Kisses and Disses : Brushes + Cyber Monday


i really wasn’t the kind of kid I’d want to raise. I needed to know the why in every situation, spoke to adults as if they were my peers, and challenged anyone if I felt they were wrong. This included teachers, Sunday School leaders, and coaches. When I think back to childhood, I can’t help but wonder why someone just didn’t slap me. Everyday.

Actually, one Sunday morning when my mother was brushing my hair, I asked her why I needed my hair brushed. Why I had to brush my teeth for that matter. Who invented brushes anyway? Why was the brush invented? Why were so many bristles used? After the hundredth question, and the unacceptance of my mother’s answers, she got the brush and hit me in the head with it. Hard. I jumped up from the edge of the toilet seat I sat on and told her she was the worst mother ever.

That was when it happened. My mother became a raging bull. I ran from her grasp…right through the front door. And she chased me right through the front door. Two houses down, my mother realized she was barefoot, running after an 8 year old, and wildly waving a brush. She stopped in tracks, gave me a look that said BEWARE OF MY WRATH, CHILD, and calmly walked back indoors.

I don’t know why I woke up this morning and thought of this story. Perhaps because I realized my hair needs to be brushed. My teeth need to be brushed as well for that matter. Who invented brushes anyway? Why was the brush invented? Why were so many bristled used?

This week’s DISSES go to:
*Brushes. For obvious reasons.
*The cracked LCD screen on my camera. Ugh. I cracked it on Thanksgiving and seriously thought I was going to die. Big diss to my stupidity.
*Turkey. It’s the ugliest bird and smells strange when cooked. Seriously, it does.

This week’s KISSES go to:
*Ugg boots. I know there are plenty of people who hate these boots, but every fall I bring them out and my feet rejoice in their shearling bliss.
*The holidays. Christmas carols at the dentist office? Red cups at Starbucks? My credit line being increased? Why, yes, holiday cheer is all around!
*Bittersweet Memories Cookbook. I recently received an email from my past bride, Emily Hoffman, and she invited me to submit a recipe for a project she’s working on: A cookbook filled with food related memories of people who’ve left their lasting memories in our hearts and bellies. Emily’s mother lost her battle to cancer, but she left Emily with recipes to keep her legacy alive…Emily is now taking submissions for recipes from our loved ones and I suspect the book will be nothing short of amazing! If you’d like to submit a recipe, please visit the website to do so!
*And a bonus kiss goes to Cyber Monday. I really don’t know what it is, but it sounds cool.

Happy Cyber Monday, Internet!

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  1. Los

    November 30th, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    Love the cookbook idea

  2. Lacey Reimann

    November 30th, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    Jasmine, I was the same child! Now I have one of my own. Be warned! :- )

  3. Jennifer O.

    November 30th, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    Man, I’m not a huge fan of the way Uggs look but they sure are comfortable! Now to convince my husband that they are worth the money! Do they come in men’s so he can experience this joy?!

  4. Tina

    November 30th, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    That is sooo me too! One of my teachers in high school said my senior quote should be WHY? I could understand hard stuff but easy stuff, always Why?? We are truthseekers 🙂 But gotten better at just letting it be with age. But watch out you will spawn a child just like you. My daughter drives me nuts with her whys but some are very intuitive! She asked for a popsicle for breakfast and I said NO. She says Why? And adds "You know it is just made out of water". Seriously?? All my kid talk…..will you and JD just have a baby already 🙂

  5. jamie delaine

    November 30th, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    i want to kiss ugg boots too. so great.

  6. Diandra

    November 30th, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    Oh my gosh! I WAS THAT KID! Only I dont think it ever got to the place of my mother running barefoot down the street after me with a hair brush… but maybe I’ve just blocked those memories out of my head 🙂 Good thing you turned out so well!


    November 30th, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    LOL! Thanks for sharing your memories…that was cute. I’m with you on this whole brushes thing! Sorry about your cracked screen…bummer. Hope you had a great holiday! Your blog ROCKS!

  8. B

    November 30th, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Dear Jasmine, thank you for making me look like the perfect child. Compared to you, Mom and Dad thought I was Mother Theresa 🙂

  9. Josiah Tam

    November 30th, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    The minute I saw the red cups appear at Starbucks this year I got a perma-smile 🙂

  10. Otto Rascon

    November 30th, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    Parents are the best for putting up with such strong willed kids. I am living through it right now with my 2 year old. And sorry about your LCD screen. Dang, that really stinks. Rock on!

  11. Mariana Maya

    November 30th, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    OMG! & I thought I was the only child who got smacked for asking "Why?" so much. Seriously and for answering "What?" as annoyed as could be to my grandmother upon being called in lieu of "mande usted (literal translation- demand upon me). Because if I answered "Mande usted" I would be given a laundry list of things to do

    Ahhh the good old days of being a kid.

  12. Michelle O

    November 30th, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    You had me smiling the whole way through! So funny…and yes, the Holidays…pure bliss!

  13. Molly W.

    November 30th, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    I just bought Ugg boots and it may have been the smartest thing I’ve ever done. AND, my 5D M II fell out of my car and onto the sidewalk the other day -OUCH!!!!!!!!!! I’m still recovering. Sigh, I feel pretty stupid.

  14. Becka @Studio222 Photography

    November 30th, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    I think I’m putting Cyber Monday in the diss category today. I couldn’t find any worthwhile deals. Tragic. 😉

  15. Emily Hoffman

    November 30th, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    Jasmine Star!! You are the absolute best. D.J. and I love you dearly!

  16. Bree

    November 30th, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    I cracked the LCD screen on my Sony P&S a couple years back and cried. Proof in the link…

  17. alex.kruk

    November 30th, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    I am so sorry for your camera, I don’t like turkey and I think it smells too ! I don’t know how many years already I want ugg boots and for some reason I always quit…maybe this year . Christmas should get a big kiss all along with christmas lights which my kids ( and me ) love so much !

  18. Raquel Guerra

    November 30th, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    J* did you see the sales on the apple store handbags for the new macbook pro’s? Only today on cyber Monday 🙂

  19. Nena

    November 30th, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    I was soooo one of those kids! Maybe that’s why I like you so much! We’d be friends! =-)

  20. feuz

    November 30th, 2009 at 10:46 pm

    The only spanking I ever really got from my mom was when I let the little rich neighbor girl cut my piggy take, my mom was so mad and angry, she made me eat hair, no lie, I will never forget that day, lol and then I spend the next 10 years looking like a boy, those and the teen years were ugly years then she became a hair salon owner and now takes care of my hair every week but yeah I dont really use brushes 🙂

  21. Cathy Crawley

    November 30th, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    Your love for the Ugg boot is just another reason why us Australians and Kiwis will embrace you with open arms, you know we’ve been wearing them for decades! As for the Chinese torture of asking 100+ questions in the space of 5 minutes I can relate to your poor mother and I would have found myself chasing you down the street with a brush in my hand too! I might put you in the car with my 4yo for 10 minutes when you visit as payback 😉

  22. Vanessa Tuau

    December 1st, 2009 at 12:56 am

    It seems like only yesterday I cracked my daughter, Cindy on the head with a brush. Brings back memories 🙂

  23. Rose

    December 1st, 2009 at 12:58 am

    Ugh. No Uggs here. I’m a Harley Davidson boot girl, like you, I love when Fall arrives and I get to wear my Harley boots. And if you saw me, you would probably never peg me as a Harley Davidson boot wearing kinda girl. But I admit, they aren’t as light and cozy as Uggs – some day maybe Uggs…

    Love the cookbook idea, lost my mom to cancer and I still love her recipes.

  24. s h e r r y

    December 1st, 2009 at 1:34 am

    Haha, I love how curious you were/are about brushes. I’d say GOOGLE will yield the answer… Maybe.

  25. Leyla

    December 1st, 2009 at 1:56 am

    Oh Jasmine… you always manage to make me laugh! I love the story, and the reason for you being as cool as you are today, is because you were a curious kid, which is awesome in my books. Your poor mommy was probably just having a bad day… lol

    And as for Uggs, I love them too! I don’t care who says what, they are the comfiest and warmest things ever, and I’m not giving mine up.. EVER! 😉

  26. Lydia

    December 1st, 2009 at 4:10 am

    Kisses to boots in general and Black Friday which makes them affordable!

  27. Allison

    December 1st, 2009 at 4:13 am

    I can’t agree more, Uggs are strait from heaven!! Cozy goodness that keep my feet warm and happy all winter!

  28. Chris c.

    December 1st, 2009 at 4:14 am

    Uggs…my new love : ) I was not an Uggs girl before 2 months ago. I’m not trendy enough to wear what the ‘youngsters’ wear. Besides, they look like house shoes. UNTIL, my aunt introduced me to them. O…do they FEEEEL good. After trying them on, I had to have a pair. Thankfully, they now have dressier kinds that actually look like ‘going out’ shoes. Worth every penny!

  29. Brian Fletcher

    December 1st, 2009 at 6:33 am

    In regards to UGG boots: as a man, I must say there is nothing hotter than UGG boots on a girl in jeans! 🙂

  30. Cristina

    December 1st, 2009 at 9:14 am

    I subscribe to the `Turkey` part. I never understood it why americans cook with so joy on their faces that bird on thanksgiving. I am European, Eastern European to be more exact, and here, they cook pork on Christmas and lamb on Easter. As for me, I think that there is no blessed bird like the chicken, cuz` it tastes great and I love UGG too, in this world, there aren`t any goodlooking, comfortable boots than UGG. on my Honour! Sorry for your LCD, you will fix that soon. Bye

  31. Sarina Love

    December 1st, 2009 at 10:06 am

    funny…i never even heard of cyber monday until today. I wonder who coined that term?! Great kiss and diss!!

  32. Events by Evonne

    December 1st, 2009 at 10:58 am

    I love my UGG boots too! Can’ wear them here on Maui, but I can’t wait to pack them with me when I head out to San Francisco and Toronto to visit family next month! 🙂

  33. Trazanne Norwood

    December 1st, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    This brought back such a rush of memories from my childhood, I nearly cried. Well every morning was a crying & screaming match when my mum brushed my hair anyway. I constantly got taps on the head. Maybe its a photographer thing as I was a "why" child also. Your blog always rocks! Tz

  34. Frances

    December 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    LOL!! I was the same way as a kid. Come to think of it, I’m still as inquisitive as ever but now my poor husband has to deal with all my questions.

  35. amanda thiessen

    December 1st, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    oh brushes, you are so painful!

  36. Elisabeth

    December 1st, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    Totally agree with you on the Uggs! 🙂

  37. Lauryn Galloway

    December 1st, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    My friends little girl doesnt like brushing her teeth either. She is three and one night she said to her mom," Mrs. So and So(her preschool teacher) said that my teeth are going to fall out anyway." HA. Can you imagine?

  38. Rachel

    December 1st, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    Jasmine, I read your blog everyday from Google reader so I don’t ever post comments, but I just had to let you know that today you really did make me laugh out loud! The thought of your mother with the hairbrush just cracked me up. Especially since I’m dealing with a three year old with lots of questions. Thanks for all the smiles you give me throughout the weeks, but especially today.

  39. cassandra m

    December 2nd, 2009 at 4:03 am

    LOL…this made me remember my Mom brushing my hair so hard there were tears in my eyes…I always had the most tangles from running, but refused to cut my hair short. :))

  40. arielle joy

    December 2nd, 2009 at 6:13 am

    You had me ROFL with the brush story. I was just like that as a kiddo.

  41. Synda

    December 2nd, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Funny…I was reading and thinking, wow…my daughter is a little Jasmine. She is just like you described yourself as a child. She is curious and strong willed which is hard for me sometimes but I know she will grow up to be a very cool, strong woman…just like you. She also LOVES her Uggs.

  42. terri zollinger

    December 2nd, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    the brush story is soooo my daughter and i !! i was cracking up .and Uggs are the BEST !!
    thanks for sharing and for the smile.

  43. simply modern weddings

    December 2nd, 2009 at 8:05 pm

    i am laughing my booty off at this brush story! you are too crazy! p.s. i LOVE uggs too…i don’t care what people say!