Kisses and Disses : Brushes + Cyber Monday


i really wasn’t the kind of kid I’d want to raise. I needed to know the why in every situation, spoke to adults as if they were my peers, and challenged anyone if I felt they were wrong. This included teachers, Sunday School leaders, and coaches. When I think back to childhood, I can’t help but wonder why someone just didn’t slap me. Everyday.

Actually, one Sunday morning when my mother was brushing my hair, I asked her why I needed my hair brushed. Why I had to brush my teeth for that matter. Who invented brushes anyway? Why was the brush invented? Why were so many bristles used? After the hundredth question, and the unacceptance of my mother’s answers, she got the brush and hit me in the head with it. Hard. I jumped up from the edge of the toilet seat I sat on and told her she was the worst mother ever.

That was when it happened. My mother became a raging bull. I ran from her grasp…right through the front door. And she chased me right through the front door. Two houses down, my mother realized she was barefoot, running after an 8 year old, and wildly waving a brush. She stopped in tracks, gave me a look that said BEWARE OF MY WRATH, CHILD, and calmly walked back indoors.

I don’t know why I woke up this morning and thought of this story. Perhaps because I realized my hair needs to be brushed. My teeth need to be brushed as well for that matter. Who invented brushes anyway? Why was the brush invented? Why were so many bristled used?

This week’s DISSES go to:
*Brushes. For obvious reasons.
*The cracked LCD screen on my camera. Ugh. I cracked it on Thanksgiving and seriously thought I was going to die. Big diss to my stupidity.
*Turkey. It’s the ugliest bird and smells strange when cooked. Seriously, it does.

This week’s KISSES go to:
*Ugg boots. I know there are plenty of people who hate these boots, but every fall I bring them out and my feet rejoice in their shearling bliss.
*The holidays. Christmas carols at the dentist office? Red cups at Starbucks? My credit line being increased? Why, yes, holiday cheer is all around!
*Bittersweet Memories Cookbook. I recently received an email from my past bride, Emily Hoffman, and she invited me to submit a recipe for a project she’s working on: A cookbook filled with food related memories of people who’ve left their lasting memories in our hearts and bellies. Emily’s mother lost her battle to cancer, but she left Emily with recipes to keep her legacy alive…Emily is now taking submissions for recipes from our loved ones and I suspect the book will be nothing short of amazing! If you’d like to submit a recipe, please visit the website to do so!
*And a bonus kiss goes to Cyber Monday. I really don’t know what it is, but it sounds cool.

Happy Cyber Monday, Internet!