Kisses and Disses : Cats and Twitter


I’m pretty sure it’s one of the worst things a friend could do. I mean, losing a friend’s pet ranks right on up there with Yo Mama jokes and boyfriend-stealing. It’s bad. So one could just imagine my horror when JD told me he couldn’t find Amy Wenzel’s cats.

It was 4:30am in Grand Rapids and the taxi awaited us downstairs. JD slipped out the front door to load the bags, but accidently left it open. When he came back to the room where I waiting, his eyes were bugging out of his face. Oh my GOD…I think the cats escaped!

Now, these aren’t just any cats. They are cats specifically saved from euthanasia by Amy–either adopted from the pound or rescued from the streets–and legitimate members of the Wenzel household. Pegasus and Other Kitty are black cats with emerald eyes, and could audition to be the model cat for Andrew Lloyd Weber’s Broadway musical, Cats. And they’re smart. Like, smart enough to play fetch, cup their paws in a glass of water to drink, and cajole anyone into cuddling. They’re basically glorified dogs with claws.

So just imagine my horror when JD says he lost Model Cats. In the middle of darkness, we’re desperately whispering Heeeeeere kitty kitty kitty…heeeeeeere… I mean, isn’t that how you do it in the movies?! Our main problem wasn’t that we couldn’t find the cats, we couldn’t even see them against the blackness of morning. I thought I might just cry, but then begged JD to just Do SOMETHING! There we were, running around a vintage house bribing two invisible creatures with treats, playing fetch, and a bedazzled crown of cat nip awaiting them upstairs. Pegasus finally made his way through the open door on his own and I nearly hugged him to death. JD and I then decided to strategically comb the length of the yard and make noise. Riiiiight. Because noise always catches cats, right? Well, the plan ended up working because we saw Other Kitty’s eyes under a nearby bush. We gently made noises and heeeered our way to guiding her back in the house.

The entire time our taxi driver laughed at us like we were insane. With the meter running.

When we were finally headed to the airport, we kinda laughed about the whole thing. Kinda. We felt like bad friends. In order to make things better, I decided to alleviate the situation by telling jokes. I turned to JD and said, Yo Mama is so…

It’s time for another installment of Kisses and Disses

This week’s DISSES go to…
*Smart cats. Though absolutely adorable, I almost lost my mind out of sheer fear. Even Andrew Lloyd Weber would have fired them!
*Junk Mail. I mean, really, does anyone even read it? My mailbox lately has been out of control and though a couple for horse feed or a 2% discount on laser hair removal sounds appealing, I think I’ll pass.
*Sheet sets. I want to buy just one, single ribbed sheet for my bed. I don’t need the extra flat sheet, the pillow cases, or the duvet cover…just the ribbed sheet. But, nooo, I need to buy everything. Why? I don’t know why, but if someone could please explain it, I may be less annoyed with this practice.

This week’s KISSES go to…
*Twitter. As strange as it sounds, I feel SO much closer to my friends. I know what they’re doing and the small things of their days. It’s like a really long phone conversation, without cords getting in the way. Well, you know…if you still OWN A PHONE WITH A CORD ON IT!
*Simply Orange Juice. I don’t know if I could get through a day without one glass of this stuff. It’s like I’m addicted. And it has calcium to boot, so I’m way healthy because I drink it. At least that’s what I tell JD.
*Anniversaries. JD and I will be celebrating our fourth anniversary on Monday, and we decided to start the partying a little early. Oh, world, just you wait and see how two people in love can shake a dancefloor and drop it like it’s hot. Or, if not that, then… Oh, world, just you wait and see how two people in love can order appetizers and watch a movie. Like it’s hot.