Kisses and Disses : Jetlag + Floss


Jetlag. Modern day torment for just about anyone. I’m usually on my a-game when it comes to jetlag. Armed with plenty of water, happy thoughts, and sleep aids, I’ve usually fallen back into rhythm a day or two. Usually, being the key word. Why. Oh, WHY, was I awake at 3am in the morning memorizing binary codes and craving watermelon juice? My mind was running a million miles a second when–WAIT!–no, no! JD, I whisper desperately in the darkness, I need to scrub the toilets! In a sleepy stupor, JD promises me the toilets can be scrubbed in the morning.


JD makes me take ten deep breaths and I calm down. Then I realize I’m hungry. Really, really hungry. No, starving. In fact, I’m so starving I can’t sleep. You see?! This is why I can’t sleep. I’m hungry. JD is awake by now and the thought of chips and salsa won’t let me relax. The salsa? I’m convinced it’ll save my life and cradle me to sleep.

So there we are. Just past 3am eating chips and salsa, our shadows slow-moving blobs from the glow of the television. I decide I really need the Slap Chop and any other product an informercial will fling my way. In protest to his objections, I tell JD, But I’m just two easy installments of $19.95 plus shipping and handling away from …

In the morning, I wake up and realize I’m tired. And despite the rigorous brushing, my breath is oniony. But I’m happy knowing what while jetlag robbed a few hours of sleep from me, my unscrubbed toilets are waiting…and I’ve happily added the Slap Chop to my birthday wishlist.

Now for another installment of Kisses and Disses…

This week’s DISSES go to..
*Jetlag. Duh.
*Husbands who say no to infomercials.
*Laundry. I wish one of those kids from Jersey Shore would offer to come do a few loads for me. (Gym…Tan…Laundry)

This week’s KISSES go to…
*Virgin Australia. JD and I got upgraded on the way from from Sydney for free…we clinked our miniature champagne glasses and toasted Richard Branson for being so awesome. Big, big kiss.
*Frye Boots. JD bought me these boots for Christmas and I didn’t take them off for three whole weeks while in New Zealand and Australia. Comfortable, stylish, and fun.
*Waxed dental floss. While traveling I used unwaxed dental floss and it drove me nuts. Being home with minty wax goodness gliding through my big teeth makes feel complete again. *bing!*