Kisses and Disses : Jetlag + Floss


Jetlag. Modern day torment for just about anyone. I’m usually on my a-game when it comes to jetlag. Armed with plenty of water, happy thoughts, and sleep aids, I’ve usually fallen back into rhythm a day or two. Usually, being the key word. Why. Oh, WHY, was I awake at 3am in the morning memorizing binary codes and craving watermelon juice? My mind was running a million miles a second when–WAIT!–no, no! JD, I whisper desperately in the darkness, I need to scrub the toilets! In a sleepy stupor, JD promises me the toilets can be scrubbed in the morning.


JD makes me take ten deep breaths and I calm down. Then I realize I’m hungry. Really, really hungry. No, starving. In fact, I’m so starving I can’t sleep. You see?! This is why I can’t sleep. I’m hungry. JD is awake by now and the thought of chips and salsa won’t let me relax. The salsa? I’m convinced it’ll save my life and cradle me to sleep.

So there we are. Just past 3am eating chips and salsa, our shadows slow-moving blobs from the glow of the television. I decide I really need the Slap Chop and any other product an informercial will fling my way. In protest to his objections, I tell JD, But I’m just two easy installments of $19.95 plus shipping and handling away from …

In the morning, I wake up and realize I’m tired. And despite the rigorous brushing, my breath is oniony. But I’m happy knowing what while jetlag robbed a few hours of sleep from me, my unscrubbed toilets are waiting…and I’ve happily added the Slap Chop to my birthday wishlist.

Now for another installment of Kisses and Disses…

This week’s DISSES go to..
*Jetlag. Duh.
*Husbands who say no to infomercials.
*Laundry. I wish one of those kids from Jersey Shore would offer to come do a few loads for me. (Gym…Tan…Laundry)

This week’s KISSES go to…
*Virgin Australia. JD and I got upgraded on the way from from Sydney for free…we clinked our miniature champagne glasses and toasted Richard Branson for being so awesome. Big, big kiss.
*Frye Boots. JD bought me these boots for Christmas and I didn’t take them off for three whole weeks while in New Zealand and Australia. Comfortable, stylish, and fun.
*Waxed dental floss. While traveling I used unwaxed dental floss and it drove me nuts. Being home with minty wax goodness gliding through my big teeth makes feel complete again. *bing!*

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  1. Jasen

    January 18th, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Can’t stop laughing at the idea of Snookie coming over and doing laundry. Thanks, I needed that.

  2. Cathy Crawley

    January 18th, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    You should have told me about your minty dental floss obsession, I could have hooked you up. That is awesome about your upgrade! And that dude in the Slap Chop ad is seriously weird looking. I’m just putting it out there 😉

  3. Crystal

    January 18th, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Totally agree with the waxed floss thing! What a difference it makes!

  4. TH

    January 18th, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Everytime I fly home and come back, I go to bed at 8, wake up at 3 a.m. for a week! LOL, good thing that I have all those informercial to entertain me but the trick is not to keep my wallet anywhere near me.

  5. Wendy Z

    January 18th, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    I saw your boots in one of your pics. Love them. Are they the Carson Pull-On?

  6. jamie delaine

    January 18th, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Hahha. Slap Chop. My favourite part is where he says, "You’ll Love My Nuts!"

  7. Brandon

    January 18th, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    You can totally get one of those chopping things for like 4 bucks at IKEA.

    Check it.


  8. Ange

    January 18th, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    Don’t get the slap chop. Read reviews on it first. I loved the infomercial as well, but it is a piece of junk.

  9. Dawn Beirnes

    January 18th, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    That guy from the info-mmercials really, seriously, could be a serial killer! I loved your boots! I noticed them in some of the pics of you guys in Australia. I’m a OCD/clean freak, so thinking of scrubbing toliets at that time of the morning is perfectly normal (in kind of a weird way) for me!

  10. Chris c.

    January 18th, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    Yes, DISS to jet lag. The last I traveled this way took me 1 week to re-adjust. And Yes, KISS to Frye boots. I tried it on in the store and it’s one of the most comfortable pair of boots around. Definitely on my wish list this year. Thanks for sharing!

  11. Kathleen Porter

    January 18th, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    Pampered Chef has a chopper similar to this. We have it and I LOVE it!! Although it sounds like I am killing something in the kitchen with all the slapping and banging on the countertop. I have to say though, that fella’s catchy thing of "Making America skinny one slap at a time" is pretty darn catchy…

  12. Kathleen Porter

    January 18th, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    I think my comment was dispatched into cyberspace the first time: Anyways, Pampered Chef has a chopper similar to this and we LOVE it! Sounds like I am killing someone in the kitchen with all the slapping and banging on the countertop, but it sure is a stress reliever! I have to say though, that fella’s catchy saying of "Making America skinny one slap at a time" is pretty funny… 🙂

  13. e'lisa

    January 18th, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    ohhhh frye boots! i am going to have to pick myself up a pair. i love your kisses and disses posts! 🙂

  14. Stephanie Stewart

    January 18th, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    Have you seen the Remix Slap Chop commercial? If not, you really need to!!! I always love this installment on your blog!

  15. Kenny Grill

    January 18th, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    "G.T.L., Baby!" – Jersey Shore

  16. Angel Pope

    January 18th, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Definitely pass on the slap chop for the Pampered Chef version. I’ve had it and used it for years. I actually bought it from one of those fundraisers that kids have for their soccer teams.

    Your post and your total honesty makes my day. Sometimes you post things that I’ve done or thought but never admitted! 🙂

    Thanks, Jasmine. You always brighten my day.

  17. Sara

    January 18th, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    Staples just had the slap chop on clearence.. for only $1.50!!! (I bought 2) 🙂

  18. Carolyn Egerszegi

    January 18th, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    Linguini, fettucini, martini, bikini! OMG!! The Slap Chop infomercial is my new favourite obsession. I almost die laughing when he chucks the thing over his shoulder into the sink. Hilarious j*.

  19. lisa

    January 18th, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    I love Frye boots! Which pair do you have??

  20. B

    January 18th, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    "Beat the beat, beat the beat!" –Jersey Shore

  21. Juli L.

    January 18th, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    I don’t know about the Slap Chop, but I have the Pampered Chef one and it’s awesome! Love it!

  22. Jennifer Brotchie

    January 18th, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    I love this installment! The Slap Chop Guy is also the ShamWow Guy! Hope you get back into a regular sleep schedule soon!!

  23. Anne Pearson

    January 18th, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    LOVE your style, Love your blog, Love your candid openness (sp?) and your personality. Your blog is fresh, fun and you seriously work it!

  24. Tiffany

    January 18th, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    so want a pair of Frye boots!

  25. Kayleen T.

    January 18th, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    Gym….Tan….Laundry….. LMBO!! Fist Pumping like YEAH! haha

  26. Dionne Haglund

    January 18th, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    Frye boots are THE best. Bought the hubby his first pair last Christmas and made sure to hell him that they were handmade, the old fashioned way though I’m pretty sure that impressed me more than it did him. 🙂

  27. Leyla

    January 18th, 2010 at 6:27 pm

    Jetlag is the worst…I have trouble sleeping early as it is… and when you travel it becomes even worse… But it’s all good. The best part is knowing that it is temporary! =)

  28. amanda thiessen

    January 18th, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    "gym, tan, laundry" hahaha love it! awesome post!

  29. Stacey

    January 18th, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    I LOVE boots and the waxed dental floss. I think we’d get along really well! 🙂 Simple girls, for sure.

  30. Jalys Mabry

    January 18th, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    I love the Frye Boots!!! I found a pair that I would love to add to my closet! Awesome blog post as always! 😀

  31. ohana photographers

    January 18th, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    GLIDE is the best floss ever.

  32. Pol

    January 18th, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Jetlag IS terrible!

  33. s h e r r y

    January 18th, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Haha, I love informercials, and often get swayed too easily. And yes for waxed floss!

  34. Narrelle

    January 18th, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    I had to laugh at this, but only because I sleepwalk from time to time, and went through a stage where hubby would find me in the middle of the night scrubbing the toilets. In my sleep. Seriously!
    And we do have waxed floss over here you know. 😉

  35. Ames

    January 18th, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Yay to waxed floss! You’re making every dentist that reads your blog very happy. 🙂

  36. Sare

    January 18th, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    That guy off the infomercial looks creepy!
    Good luck with the jetlag, love your blog and glad you had a good time visiting us down here in Aus!

  37. Tonya Doughty

    January 18th, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    I have a Slap Chop you can have for free. No, really. My husband, DJ, got me one for Christmas and I got HIM one. The spare is still sitting under the tree (yes, you read that right, tree. still. up.) Just realizing how redneck is the combo of Slap Chop and tree still up. Oh well. New in box, if you want it, just let me know.

  38. LD

    January 18th, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    Hahahahaha I love that you referenced gym, tanning, laundry. GTL baby! It makes me feel better that you watch that show, because sometimes I feel horrible for getting such enjoyment out of such a train wreck.

  39. SNB

    January 18th, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    Last time I checked there *was* waxed floss in Aus!! Are you planning to post more pics from your time there? Even the jet lag that is inevitable with that LA-Sydney longhaul I’d be on a jet in a heart beat if I could to get home for a stint!! Glad you got to finally meet Aus…

  40. Kathy Chappell

    January 18th, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    Yaaaaaaay, you and JD made it home safely!!! Thank you so much for keeping up on your blogs, because they are my daily addiction (lol) Thanks for sharing your life experiences and talent with us….xoxoxoxo and welcome home.

  41. Marisa

    January 18th, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    AUGH!!!! so jealous right now. i have frye boot envy. you are one LUUUUCKY girl! (but i think you already knew that) 😉

  42. Inland Empire Wedding Photographer

    January 18th, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    Me too, I love that dental floss so much I have an extra one in my purse,car and mak-up bag just in case. I hate hate the cheapy stuff 🙁

  43. Evonne & Darren Photography

    January 19th, 2010 at 12:13 am

    I know the feeling of jetlag and waking up in the middle of the night feeling hungry… and I am jealous that you got some cool boots for Christmas!

  44. Christine P

    January 19th, 2010 at 12:14 am

    Free upgrade??! Seriously??! You fly in/out Aus ONCE and you get a free upgrade? Okay I’m totally jealous. 🙂 🙂 I even ASK for free upgrades every time I fly back to the States (that’s once a year, mind you) and it’s always a "NO". Maybe I need to glam it up a bit. 🙂 And PS I’m with you on the infomercials – Clinton is exactly the same, totally Mr. Rational. And always right. 🙂

  45. Angela Higgins

    January 19th, 2010 at 12:44 am

    Yay for your upgrade! Glad you guys are home safe and sound. Must be a horrible flight.

  46. kerri banyas

    January 19th, 2010 at 12:47 am

    GTL baby!

  47. Jadey

    January 19th, 2010 at 3:36 am

    What you really want is a Happy Chopper and a Quick Chef 2 with Salad basket from Tupperware. Trust me! Check it out for yourself.

    Cute boots!!!!!!

  48. lucy

    January 19th, 2010 at 4:29 am

    I was waiting for you to do your kisses and disses to talk about Heidi Montags surgery..

  49. Treva Tribit

    January 19th, 2010 at 4:54 am

    Crackin’ me up with the Jersey Shore laundry comment…! ha!

  50. cassandra m

    January 19th, 2010 at 5:01 am

    Glad you guys had a safe trip. many prayers were with you guys. Now…I am expecting an image of those boots in a near future post 😉 😉 xoxo.

  51. Girl in The White Dress

    January 19th, 2010 at 5:47 am

    Haha jetlag certainly sharpens your humor. I’d give jetlag a big KISS! x

  52. Thomas Frank

    January 19th, 2010 at 5:54 am

    My fiance just bought the Slap Chop and loves it, well actually I love it because it works really good. Just my 2 cents. Love your blog as always

  53. Amanda

    January 19th, 2010 at 8:23 am

    You are toooo funny! LOL

  54. {15:51} photography

    January 19th, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    jetlag. yeah, about that…when we flew home from Australia (back to Ottawa, Canada), we ended up sleeping for sixteen hours straight. I kid you not! We didn’t even wake up to go pee. Nothing! I felt like a train wreck…a train wreck of the likes that not even cheesecake could fix!!

  55. Sandy Finner

    January 19th, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Oh! Oh! Chip & Salsa Cravings+Sleepy= Preggers?????

  56. Jen

    January 19th, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    Tell JD that the Slap Chop is actually super cool. I had a Pampered Chef chopper once and the SC is so much better. You can get them at Bed Bath and Beyond and it’s a better deal because the Graty that comes with the infomercial sucks. I was just blogging about my Slap Chop this morning actually. It makes awesome homemade SALSA for those 3 a.m. cravings 🙂

  57. Kyle

    January 19th, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    Susan and I totally cracked up on the Jersey Shore reference! Thanks for the laugh!

  58. Matt Cheung

    January 19th, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    As seen on tv stuff is always so tempting to buy…and fun to watch. I heard that consumer reports said the chop shop wasn’t that great tho.

  59. Marissa Rodriguez

    January 19th, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    Chips and salsa sound perfect right about now.

  60. Basia

    January 19th, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    I am Frye addict! The comfort, craftsmanship plus sheer style never fails!

  61. J.P.

    January 19th, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    O.K., if nobody else is going to mention it, I will. You must check out the Slap Chop remix:

  62. Megan

    January 19th, 2010 at 10:11 pm

    If you share this with JD, maybe, just maybe, there is still hope for you to get your very own slap chop!

  63. Melanie

    January 20th, 2010 at 1:13 am

    Yeah for the upgrade, hope you had a good flight home!

  64. Lou

    January 20th, 2010 at 3:57 am

    lol… Be glad he said no to the Slap Chop. The one that Billy Mays used to sell was MUCH better and actually works. 😀

  65. Molly Williams

    January 21st, 2010 at 8:59 am

    saw the slap chop at Target and for a second considered buying it for you as a suck up gift to give you at the workshop but I didn’t want to be that girl that stalks your blog like a freak and then brings you gifts. Plus it didn’t come with the graty so I knew all bets were off.

  66. MarthaH

    January 21st, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    LOVE the Slap Chop! 🙂

  67. Angie

    January 22nd, 2010 at 3:26 am

    Craving watermelon juice and being hungry, hungry!! Are you expecting Jasmine?

  68. Little d

    January 25th, 2010 at 3:46 am

    OMG get out of my head! I am amazed by the Slap Chop!!! They have it at CVS for only $20!!! But if I bought it I would have to hide it in the house and only chop in secret, because by husband also says no to all of the amazing items I see on infomercials. AND I’ve only done laundry once since I got married (that was early October, yo. I own a lot of underwear.).

  69. Pye

    April 2nd, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    OK, I used to have an item like the SlapChop which I loved, but seriously, that infomercial guy creeps me out. Also, strangely enough it seems like at the moment he’s the Lebron James of infomercials. If you aren’t sure what I mean, look at his face! Is he actually selling the SlapChop, or is he politely trying to let me know to keep my children at least 500 feet away at all times? I am not sure… But, I do know one thing, that face does not make me want to have the ability to "chop nuts in one slap."