It was the first time we ventured to one of those fancy movie theaters. The type of place with a full menu, bar, and dessert station, not to mention a silent dress code (no, I didn't get the memo about wearing black thigh-high boots, so I stuck out like a prude little finger). We ordered our meal (this is the part I should make up and say I got a salad, but I really ordered veggie sliders) and watched the Lakers game before the movie started (like I said, this place was fancy living). When the meal arrived, I asked the waiter for a side of cheese (who eats sliders without cheese?!), but when he returned…wait for it…wait for it…he brought out three slices of Kraft American singles ON HIS BARE HAND.
Should I repeat that last part? Cheese. On his flesh.
Not knowing what to do, I took the slices from his limp fingers and thanked him. I don't know why I thanked him. I should have been all, Dude, I'd rather eat cheese off a cow's utter, but I'm not the confrontational type.
I'm, apparently, the passive aggressive type who'll blog about the experience with the Internet so we can commiserate over this grossness and that one time you found a hair in your burrito. OH I KNOW YOU HAVE A STORY…go ahead, admit it.
This leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses…
This week's DISSES go to…
*Cheese on bare hands. Need I say more?
*Infomercials. I ordered Cindy Crawford's skin care line after becoming obsessed with a miracle melon from France that's supposed to make the lotion magical (in not so many words), but I've discovered it's no better than a $4.99 jar of Ponds cold cream.
*Sugar. It somehow finds a way into my mouth, stays on my hips, and nestles deep in my heart.
This week's KISSES go to…
*Online shopping. Completed my entire Christmas list in a single day. I'm so organized this year I'm annoying myself.
*My crock pot. I made dinner twice this week (TWICE…that's gotta be a new record!) and I'm crowning myself the Queen of Split Pea soup.
*Canine Santa hats. Whenever I'm having a bad day, I simply dress Polo like jolly St. Nick and, boom, my day is better.
Happy Wednesday!
