Kisses+Disses : Garbage Men + Barometers


I ran up and down the stairs this morning. Huffing and puffing. It was a workout. That’s how much I was running. I asked him where the picture was. JD had no idea what I was talking about. I sigh. The picture of OUR DAUGHTER!! He still had no idea what I was talking about.

Back up a sec…
Last week we went to Dave&Buster’s. On a Friday night. Which is akin to, say, Friday night at Walmart in the Midwest. A bunch of people walking around trying to kill time and waste money. With adult beverages. And yes this happens at Walmart too…I saw a documentary about Walmart once. Except Midwesterners take their own coolers and hide them in their Camaros. So, yes, Dave&Buster’s. At the end of the night, JD and I sat in a game machine that took pictures of our faces and then produced a picture of what our future daughter would look like. Let’s just say when I saw the picture, I was visibly shaken. Reason #4,982 to explain to my mother-in-law why I don’t have a child. Internet, it was scary.

This morning…
I thought it would be funny to blog the picture of our future daughter. You know, so I could scare you too. But I couldn’t find the picture. Then I ran up and down the stairs and sighed. And that’s when it hit me: JD threw the picture away. HE THREW AWAY A PICTURE OF OUR FIRST CHILD. How can I be married to such a man?! Who would do that?!

Internet, JD scarred me today. And I’m still trying to forgive him. Which leads to another installment of Kisses and Disses

This week’s DISSES go to:
*Husbands who throw away pictures of their first pretend child.
*AT&T. Whenever I hear these three letters, I can’t help but twitch and raise an angry iPhone.
*Walmart. Any place you can buy a lamp, garden hose, and a ham at the same time scares me.

This week’s KISSES go to:
* πŸ™‚ . Yes, a big kiss to smiley faces in emails. Those two symbols together can change the entire tone of a sentence…love it.
*Antique stores. I bought a barometer (with cracked glass) last week for $21 for a new cabinet. Go ahead. Be jealous.
*Pickles. A dill pickle next to a sandwich makes the world a better place.
**And a bonus kiss to Tanya at Photographer’s Edit for always giving great customer service and taking such good care of me!

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  1. feuza

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    he threw it away no wayyyyyyy, lol your comment about walmart cracks me up

  2. Mel

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    LOL! Jasmine you are uberFAB! We had one of those photos taken at D&B’s too . and I myself also thought…wow I thought she’d be much cuter…ahhh…sigh. Thanks for your humor and as always your way to make a day bright!

  3. Jodi Mercier

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    Love this…my hubby and I did that machine before we had kids…trust me, they come out way more cuter in real life πŸ˜‰

  4. gladys jem

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    LOL. This just took me back to the night I said you and JD would have beautiful kids and both of you looked at each other and said you wouldn’t because JD was a scary looking baby as a child. hahahaha. hilarious!

  5. ashleigh

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    1) Two words for JD. "how rude!"
    2) I agree pickles are amazing!
    3)I have an antique barometer from the mid 1800s! I inherited it. But I have no clue where to put it…and secretly want to sell it.

  6. jeremiah daniel spray

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    Walmart scares me too, its sad how much time you can waste on a boring night there, not even buying stuff. In other news, shooting a wedding today and I have you to thank as an inspiration:) its been a busy season but I always love keeping up with you on your blog:)

  7. Lerissa

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    I agree about Walmart…you COULD buy those things, IF you can find them.

  8. jeremiah daniel spray

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Walmart scares me too, its sad how much time you can waste on a boring night there, not even buying stuff. In other news, shooting a wedding today and I have you to thank as an inspiration:) its been a busy season but I always love keeping up with you on your blog:)

  9. bree

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    phew! these kisses make me feel *much* less self-conscious about the emails I sent you with happy faces!! πŸ™‚

  10. Stacy

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    I live in the midwest and often times find myself wandering around Walmart with nothing else to do!! That "dis" make me smile:) Sometimes, though, I switch it up and go to Target!

  11. Cherisse

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    LMBO Jasmine! Have a real daughter, I bet he won’t throw her picture away! I love every-singele-thing in KISSES! xoxo

  12. Amanda

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    LOL. That is the maternal instinct there Jasmine. Real baby or not. And Walmart……don’t go there at 2 am. trust me.

  13. Jennifer Weiss

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:55 pm

    My only question is… Have you ever tried Wickles? You have not lived til you have had them. Seriously. Go now! Buy a jar! I don’t think they sell them at Walmart. I overdo it the smiley faces. Can’t help myself. I go with the long eyes looked though. =)

  14. Sarah

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    I live in the Midwest, (Oklahoma to be exact) where D&B’s is THE place to go if you are looking for something to do on a Friday night!…and Walmart IS the place you go if you are bored our of your mind. This is because there is nothing to do here. Unless you want to go to a catfish infested lake where you get eated up to your thighs in chiggers and come back home with an evening of getting checked for ticks and wishing there was something else to do! (and thats NOT as fun as you might think!)

    Walmart scares me too, and antique stores make me smile. πŸ™‚

  15. Kim Spears

    July 22nd, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    Jas you are the cutest !! And you crack me up πŸ˜‰ I start sentences with And too πŸ˜‰ PS – you and JD would have the CUTEST kiddo! Hugs xo

  16. angel

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    Wal-Mart sucks!!! I’m surrounded by them where I live. I will drive an hour or more to not have to shop there! Ok, I’m done. But I so would have loved to see that picture…so you MUST go back and do it again! Luvs!

  17. Courtney

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:02 pm

    LOL at the Walmart comment. I’m from the Midwest and when I was in high school, my best friends and I used to spend our Friday nights (usually at 1 am) in the 24 hour Walmart. Now when we get bored…we go to Dave and Buster’s. Oh, the irony. πŸ™‚

  18. Damaris Mia

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    hahahahahaa! I SO have to try that machine out next time I go to D&B’s.

  19. Darci

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    I hear you when it comes to AT&T!! Ever since the upgrade, my iPhone has been TERRIBLE!!! Wait…is that AT&T’s fault or Apple. Either way, I’m not a happy camper. P.S. Wish JD didn’t throw the picture out, that would have been fun to see it!!

  20. Antisha

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Me and my husband did the same thing at D&B and the kid looked scary. Thank goodness our actual son looks nothing like the booth pic. As for Wal-Mart…it can be scary but I must say I spend a lot of time based purely on cost and convenience.

  21. Terri

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    I think that I might be offened by the whole Walmart and Midwesterners thing….WalMart is the Poo…take a wiff πŸ™‚

  22. Kristen

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    Jasmine…I can’t believe that JD threw it away!! Why on earth would he do such a thing!?!?! But, do you know what this means? You’ll just have to go back to Dave & Buster’s and do it all over again so you can blog about it and show us all. We’re now curious as to what "she" will look like! πŸ™‚ BTW..yay for smilies! :).. ;)…
    πŸ™‚ … πŸ˜›

  23. Michael Ririe

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    WalMart – DISS – I agree with the lamp, garden hose, and ham issue, but it’s also a place that capitalizes on everything and is the epitome of the disgrace of "Corporate America"! Thanks for selling manufactured garbage while supporting the American dream! HA!

    And a KISS from me goes to fresh orange juice… I go crazy over this stuff, and it starts the day off right!

  24. Brandy Frank

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    HAHAHA!!! I had one of those pseudo-children photos too. it was so creepy (um, big hair!) oh my goodness I hate Wal Mart. Brandon likes to go there because groceries are cheaper and I mope the entire time. Yesterday one of our good clients actually said "maybe you guys will be the wal mart of weddings" I know he meant well, because we help out with more than just photography: wedding advice. but I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically in a crazy freaked out way… NOOOO I don’t want to be wal mart!! don’t say that! and yes, we grew up in the country. if you were bored, you went to wal mart at 12:30 am. sigh.

  25. Mark

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Hey, I am from the Midwest and I don’t have a Camaro. Although I did find out I can hide a 6 pack in the arm rest of my pickup. Ok maybe you are right

  26. B

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    My faux niece is some where in an Orange Country landfill?! That’s it, I’m going to Walmart in my Camaro to buy you a Dave&Buster’s gift card. And YES, I left out the adult beverages. Mother would be proud of me.

  27. Julie Renee

    July 22nd, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    TOTALLY with you on the Walmart thing, Jasmine. When we were young and poor we used to go there for cheap groceries, then about 3 years ago (after having an out-of-control kid run over my foot with a grocery cart, then scream "GET OUT OF MY WAY" at me) I walked out and promised to never again return. I may have to tighten our finances slightly because of it, but I do know that when I leave Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s, I ALWAYS have a smile on my face.
    **ps, DITCH AT&T and come drink the Verizon kool-aid…it’s sweet, reliable, great customer service, and bonus: you can actually use your phone!

  28. Anne

    July 22nd, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    TOO FUNNY! That walmart diss is HILARIOUS!

  29. Crystal

    July 22nd, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    OH OH OH the dill pickles.. I have a love affair.

  30. Jackie

    July 22nd, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    I’m with you on the smily faces. I use them too much in emails, texts, fb posts…everywhere!

  31. AbiQ,

    July 22nd, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    You need to get the Babybuilder app. It’s takes your faces and makes a future baby. SO SCARY but SO USFUL when trying to convince a couple they might not be right for each other. πŸ˜‰

  32. Robert Price

    July 22nd, 2010 at 9:33 pm

    If you ever decided to get rid of JD I will gladly take his place!! πŸ™‚

  33. Ricci

    July 22nd, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    I’m a πŸ™‚ abuser. I’m always afraid that I sound like an e-biotch that my emails include smiley faces and xoxo. I’m pretty much a 6 year old by the looks of my e-mails πŸ™‚

  34. Lydia

    July 22nd, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    While I’m with you on the JD throwing your future daughter’s picture away diss, I have to disagree about Walmart and AT&T! Especially since the latter is the ONLY cell service that works with my house, and Verizon was still charging me a year later for service I had canceled!

  35. dawn beirnes

    July 22nd, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    Awww girl, in the south, Walmart is like the circus….a big ole’s three ring circus! I should send you the e-mails "People of Walmart", which are probably taken by walmart employees….scary stuff!

  36. Lindsey

    July 22nd, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    I share the SAME disdain for Walmart. S C A R Y.

  37. Shannon

    July 22nd, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    I made a pretend daughter with my hubby in the same machine like 8 years ago, and it was creepy…but I still love her.

  38. Katie Mauer

    July 22nd, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    My dear, if you think AT&T’s customer service is bad and are hoping to get out of it one day, then I have some sad news for you. Almost all cell phone companies have customer service that makes you wonder where they find these people. An example of Verizon:

  39. Gabriela Fuentes

    July 22nd, 2010 at 11:06 pm

    Funny that you mention AT&T. I almost bought an iphone after a glitch with my new Droid X, but a friend who shares your sentiment convinced us to walk away. Hubby figured out and fixed the problem, and I’m so in love with my new Droid :). You should try it.

  40. Liz Curtan

    July 22nd, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    This post just totally made my day as well as the comments…especially the one from ABIQ "You need to get the Babybuilder app. It’s takes your faces and makes a future baby. SO SCARY but SO USFUL when trying to convince a couple they might not be right for each other. πŸ˜‰ " I’m still laughing!

  41. Paulette

    July 23rd, 2010 at 1:35 am

    LOL, I live in the midwest, and that’s exactly why I avoid WalMart. But if I have to make a trip there for some emergency ice cream late at night, at least no one there can bite me. No teeth, mostly.

  42. Kathleen

    July 23rd, 2010 at 1:40 am

    I just did a dramatic reading of this post for my husband. You would have been proud J*. Proud. Thanks for another good chuckle! Sorry to have missed the future daughter photo.

  43. Kare

    July 23rd, 2010 at 1:43 am


  44. Elizabeth

    July 23rd, 2010 at 2:05 am

    LOL to your walmart diss!!! you.are.hilarious.

  45. Carm

    July 23rd, 2010 at 2:10 am

    I have to laugh!! My husband (then fiance) did the same thing with a picture of our "son" from a D&B photobooth. It was horrifying.

  46. Brittany

    July 23rd, 2010 at 5:12 am

    …and a ham. LOL!!!

  47. Ana

    July 23rd, 2010 at 5:23 am

    LOL I feel the same way about that store. Gives me the heebie-jeebies.

  48. Marissa Rodriguez

    July 23rd, 2010 at 6:07 am

    For some reason this posts makes me want to say ‘Ayyyyy JD!’ while I laugh out loud! πŸ™‚

  49. Amy

    July 23rd, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    Come on, leave the midwesterners alone! I for one can tell you that I do not walk aimlessly around Walmart with a cocktail in hand (although I don’t doubt for a minute that people do that EVERYWHERE there might be a Walmart)! I am sophisticated, don’t say uff-da (well, it may have slipped out of my mouth once or twice in my lifetime), or drive a mud-ridden, broken down Ford F150 covered with conservative bumper stickers and full empty beer cans flying around in the back! There are some of us in the midwest that are just as sophisticated as the west coasters! Don’t worry Jasmine, I adore you and just had to give you some grief–gotta stand up for the great people of the midwest!!! You rock and I love your blog!

  50. a little bit of whimsy photography

    July 23rd, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    …."shake my head"!

  51. laetitia

    July 23rd, 2010 at 4:22 pm

    hahaha very funny the pretend daughter… what was her name?
    It would have been funny to keep the picture to compare with the real daughter you will have soon πŸ˜‰

  52. Liza

    July 23rd, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    WE’VE TRIED THOSE PRETEND CHILD PICTURES TOO! Way back when, before we had kids, we tried one of those booths out for fun. We did 2… one boy, one girl. The girl looked like some random kid’s picture. The boy was just a mess. I accidently blinked when the photo was taken so the boy just wasn’t looking right. THANK GOODNESS there was no truth to those photos. My beautiful boys look nothing like those pretend kids!! πŸ™‚

  53. Kelly

    July 23rd, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    Hey! The midwest rocks! We prefer Target to Walmart πŸ˜‰

  54. Arielle

    July 23rd, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    So you don’t like Target either? ‘Cause um, you can get all three of those things ALSO at Target.

  55. holly

    July 23rd, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    way to diss the midwest there. offended a bit. πŸ™ lost a little love there for you.

  56. cheap flyers printing

    July 24th, 2010 at 9:40 am

    What’s not to love about your post? Aside from being funny and creepy, the truth really hurts. The first Diss about your husband throwing away your first pretend child is hilarious. I agree with you on the symbol. πŸ™‚

  57. Christy Tyler

    July 24th, 2010 at 7:26 pm

    haha… I think you are mistaking the midwest for the south in this post. I believe they like Walmart MUCH more than us midwesterners! πŸ™‚

  58. Faith

    July 24th, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    okay so i live in peoria illinois ( the middle of illinois, nowhere close to chicago) on friday morning. i thought to myself, we don’t actually go to walmart friday nights, we’re too cool for that. what did i find myself doing that very same friday night? heading to walmart around 9:30p to grab snacks for a movie. so you have proved me wrong… walmart really is the place to be, except we don’t drive camaros but big ford trucks.

  59. Juli L.

    July 24th, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    Yup, not much of a Walmart fan here either…lol! I’ve heard that AT&T is terrible, so no iPhone for me yet, maybe someday when you can use a different service. πŸ™‚

  60. Jodi Marie

    July 25th, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Ya know we do have Dave & Busters out here in the Midwest too, just sayin!

  61. amanda thiessen

    July 27th, 2010 at 2:20 am

    LOVE antique stores! they get me into trouble though πŸ™ muahaha

  62. Stefanie

    July 28th, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    My husband and I did that Future Child merged photo thing and I swear she looked just like Marcia Brady! Glad we’re not the only ones…

  63. Truc

    August 3rd, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    Hahaha, I love your Kisses and Disses. Not a big fan of Wal-mart or AT&T either.

  64. Tina

    August 5th, 2010 at 7:06 am

    Awesome! My hubs and I had one of those pictures too of our "kid" when we were like 17. Yes, very scary. Let’s just say the real ones came out much better! When are you two gonna have a baby already πŸ™‚