Mean Girl

Mean Girl

Personal

I’ve been dealing with something for the past few days and I can’t shake it. It’s as if I’ve held a mirror to myself and saw someone else staring back at me; someone who looks nothing like me. Or, not the outside of me. You see, the person staring back at me has green skin, a large, crooked nose, and dark circles around her eyes. This person looks nothing like me. At least until I figured out that that’s what I look like on the inside. MEAN.

A few Sundays ago, JD and I celebrated his mother’s birthday. His entire family spent the afternoon together, then headed off to play a game of softball. This may seem totally pleasant and normal, but I have a history with sports. As in, I play like I’m competing for a gold medal. Or the national title. Or a king-size Snickers bar. In fact, the last time I played softball with my in-laws, my behavior (which included heckling pre-pubescent batters and cheering when opposing family members struck out) left JD mortified.

As the family walked to a nearby park, JD slung his arm around my shoulder and smiled. Oh, but don’t be deceived, Internet. It was a smile, but as JD spoke though gritted teeth, I knew what was in store: PLAY NICELY!

With the passing of each inning, I was calm, cool, and collected. My team was killing the other, so I was a happy camper. Until the last inning. When my mother-in-law’s team made a comeback. The game was close, with a runner on first base and my mother-in-law on second. I defended third base. Oooh, do you see where this is going? A hard pop-fly was hit my way, but I.DROPPED.THE.BALL!!! As the other team screams victoriously, I panic. And throw Miss Happy Camper away.

I scramble for the ball and see my mother-in-law running to third. I don’t remember if I slipped, but the next thing I know, I’m crawling like a deranged woman toward third base. Covered in dirt and grass, I tag the base with the ball. Still laying on my belly, I lift the ball in the air and scream, She’s OUT!! I GOT HER OUT!!

Then silence ensued. And nobody moved.

Everyone stared at me with slight bewilderment. I…just…tagged…out…my…mother-in-law…ON HER BIRTHDAY!?!?

Oh, Internet, what’s a mean girl to do? Dust her green skin off, point her crooked nose in the air, and smile in such a way that makes the dark circles around my eyes more obvious, that’s what.

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  1. Leslie -

    I’m sorry.. I’m laughing hysterically… it sounds exactly like something I would do.. just in a non-sports situation!

      10.14.08 - 8:14 pm

  2. Linda -

    so vivid! Your writing makes me picture it, feel as if I am there, and then laugh out loud sitting alone at the computer. Now that is good writing!

      10.14.08 - 8:22 pm

  3. Bordi -

    Dude, my husband and I both slammed my 11-year old niece in a game of Scene-It. When it comes to games, there is no nice guy!

      10.14.08 - 8:23 pm

  4. Shawn Kloster -

    There is no stopping that DETERMINATION when it comes to winning. I can soooo relate on this one! Haha!

      10.14.08 - 8:27 pm

  5. DJ -

    Please post a picture of your green self

      10.14.08 - 8:28 pm

  6. Joanna -

    I’m sitting here trying to imagine JD’s face at that exact moment.
    Girl you are to funny.

      10.14.08 - 8:28 pm

  7. Summer -

    HAHA!! I love your photo blogs, but this had me cracking up! and ps-I totally would’ve done the same thing.

      10.14.08 - 8:29 pm

  8. heather broom -

    LOL, that’s hilarious. Thanks for that much needed laugh :). I look forward to posts like these almost as much as posts with wedding pics.

      10.14.08 - 8:34 pm

  9. Jess -

    OMG, the "She’s OUT!! I GOT HER OUT!!" part of the story had me laughing out loud! hilarious!

      10.14.08 - 8:35 pm

  10. Joan Solitario -

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! he he he That must have been a priceless moment!

      10.14.08 - 8:36 pm

  11. Miguel Pola -

    Jasmine….. You had me laughing my ass off! Thats is so freakin’ Funny! Great story, Sorry mother in Law… 😉

      10.14.08 - 8:38 pm

  12. Cathy Crawley -

    Too funny Jasmine! I’m sure your family will still love you, especially after reading this hilarious entry 😉

      10.14.08 - 8:41 pm

  13. Mary Marantz -

    Ok….this post ROCKS my world!! Hil-ar-ious!

    xoxo
    M:)

      10.14.08 - 8:46 pm

  14. Jacqueline -

    That’s hilarious!!!!!!! I get very defensive with my fries and chips. When my boyfriend tries to sneak his hand on one of my all-time-favorite foods, he’s OUT!

      10.14.08 - 8:51 pm

  15. Camille Elise -

    The vision of you covered in dirt screaming like a mad woman just made me do some awful spit/snort combination. I’ll note I was drinking mango orange juice. And I’m at work. I don’t know who I feel more sorry for, my compute screen or your mother in law 😉 All things considered I’m sure they love you unconditionally, that means green skin and all.

      10.14.08 - 8:51 pm

  16. Hanssie Trainor -

    Remind me to never play any game with you on the opposite team, less MY ugly green monster rears its ugly head and we have to battle it out! (Cause I totally would’ve made it to third base before you could get there.)

      10.14.08 - 8:58 pm

  17. lin -

    Haha. Wow. That is when you offer to take her out for ice cream. 🙂

      10.14.08 - 9:11 pm

  18. Fishgirl -

    I don’t blame , i am pretty conpetitive myself!! i’ll do the happy dance !and in your face singing!!

      10.14.08 - 9:12 pm

  19. Val -

    you know when people type "lol" but don’t really laugh. I literally laughed out loud right now. Like my lemonade when flying up my nose from my mouth laughing. OMG!

      10.14.08 - 9:13 pm

  20. Nattnee -

    This is so hilarious (sorry!). I’m sure she’ll forgive you but she’ll never forget it…just kidding! =p

      10.14.08 - 9:15 pm

  21. Chung Nguyen -

    OMG. That’s all I can say. Just. OMG. That’s…. OMG.

      10.14.08 - 9:21 pm

  22. Mike Romeo -

    Business is business / fun time is fun time / and so does playing sports! it’s a game; so leave your emotions and feelings at the door !!!! 🙂

      10.14.08 - 9:23 pm

  23. Hayley -

    J*, I have been following your blog for a few months and you never cease to move me to smiles and tears – on this occasion both at the same time!
    You totally rock and I hope one day to be half the open, selfless, giving and talented person you are, green skin or not!! :o)

      10.14.08 - 9:25 pm

  24. Patty Hildebrand -

    Ok, I think I may have just peed my pants a little….I’m off to the bathroom to check!

      10.14.08 - 9:30 pm

  25. Lindsey -

    Oh Jasmine! I too actually LOL. This post cracked me up. Not sure I have any recommendations for getting back on her good side but thanks for the giggle!

    { Lindsey }
    http://www.coveiter.com

      10.14.08 - 9:35 pm

  26. Navy Sou -

    Ha haaaa!!!! I loved this post! You had me on the edge of my seat…lol! You’re so witty!

      10.14.08 - 9:38 pm

  27. Michele -

    LOL… ROFL!! As if I was there…

      10.14.08 - 9:39 pm

  28. Tanya Jose -

    that is AWESOME! LOL even though you feel mean, don’t they know that you have a competitive streak in you? if so, don’t worry about it…it’s YOU!

      10.14.08 - 9:42 pm

  29. Katie Slater -

    Hahahahahahhahahahaha — King Size Snickers Bar – so classic! Thanks for the laugh today! 🙂
    (P.S. – I would have done the same thing!)

      10.14.08 - 9:43 pm

  30. Chris Mathews -

    Haha! I am totally overly competitive too! I use to work with kids duing summer camp, and they always would ask if I would play kick ball with them, of course I dominated that scene….psh…those kids had nothing on me!

      10.14.08 - 9:43 pm

  31. Heather Espana -

    Oh my gosh. I am SO the same way, which is what made this experience: http://www.espanaphotographyblog.com/2008/10/jeopardy.html
    all the more humiliating for me ;). Competetive trivia tests? Not so much. Challenge me to a game of UNO though, and you’re goin’ down! 😉

      10.14.08 - 10:14 pm

  32. Bobbie Brown -

    Hahahahahah! Hysterical! I loved this story!

      10.14.08 - 10:19 pm

  33. Lucy -

    RLMAO!

    my sister in law’s family is like that and I just laugh and laugh….but I never play with them.

      10.14.08 - 10:32 pm

  34. Korey -

    I don’t believe you are mean! Not for one moment. We all have a little mean girl in us, though…

      10.14.08 - 10:36 pm

  35. Melissa -

    your not mean…just competitive. plus you probably had to be pretty competitive when you were growing up.. two of your best friends are now professional athletes. haha

      10.14.08 - 10:48 pm

  36. Valerie Yamile -

    You know, I really hope that someday, someone makes a sitcom about you. It would be hilarious. You are funny. You should be a sitcom writer. Or a movie writer. Or not. I mean you’re an awesome photographer but I think the world could benefit from your writing!

      10.14.08 - 10:57 pm

  37. angel swanson -

    HAHAHA!! this cracked me up! 😉 you are hilarious, j! but i have to say — you are not nearly as mean as you think. xoxo

      10.14.08 - 11:03 pm

  38. Anya -

    roflmao…..you are the Monica (from Friends) of your family! LOL! Totally hilarious. Every family needs a Monica….otherwise who would families have to tell stories and complain about? LOL! 🙂

      10.14.08 - 11:22 pm

  39. Lindsey Marie -

    Hahah! I’m laughing my cheeks off! this is really funny! I’m sure she still loves you like a daughter!

      10.14.08 - 11:40 pm

  40. Katherine Bowman -

    Too FUNNY!!!! 🙂

      10.14.08 - 11:47 pm

  41. Lisa -

    Jasmine, I love your writing, PLEASE write a book!!!

      10.14.08 - 11:54 pm

  42. Katherine Bowman -

    Hey J*, you’ve been tagged! To play, visit my blog for directions! 🙂

      10.15.08 - 12:09 am

  43. Sissel -

    I never believe in a million years that you are a "mean" girl, but….
    that was your mother-in-law, on her birthday, sistah….watch your back.

      10.15.08 - 12:14 am

  44. de -

    Your story cracked me up! Hey, I would not call you "mean" I would cal you "spirited"!

      10.15.08 - 12:31 am

  45. kelly beane -

    this just cracks me up! i’m so competitive too, so i don’t think you’re mean at all! 😉

      10.15.08 - 12:50 am

  46. Juls -

    I was laughing out load while reading this. I love the way you write as I see the whole thing being played out like I’m actually there in the moment. Love it! I also doubt that you are mean, on purpose anyway 😉

      10.15.08 - 12:59 am

  47. Shannon McFarland -

    LOL!!!!! How flippin funny!!! I too could clearly visualize this whole thing happening before my very eyes….so much so, that I was cheering you on…."Catch it Jaz…OH NO…get it…GET IT…Get her Jasmine…Get her….LOL….YES!!!!"
    Sorry JD, & JD"s Mom, birthday or not….competition is competition…LOL I hope you had a great birthday anyway. I guess I have the green skin & crooked nose too….glad to know that I am in good company…LOL I LOVE YOUR "STORIES!!!!!" Much Love, Many Blessings, & TONS of laughs, 😉 Shannon

      10.15.08 - 1:34 am

  48. Christopher -

    Could have been worse, Jasmine. Imagine your mother-in-law playing catcher, attempting to block the plate as you’re rounding third and heading for home. I can almost hear the collision!

      10.15.08 - 1:35 am

  49. Ashley -

    Jasmine, I think you might be a saint compared to me! You were just playing the game, no harm intended, right? I love the way you tell your stories.

      10.15.08 - 2:39 am

  50. Bob P -

    If you made the catch in the first place, you would have been off the hook. I keep picturing Matt Dillon in ‘Something About Mary’ after he runs over the all the kids playing football – "What’s so special about them!?"

      10.15.08 - 3:21 am

  51. niccolew -

    Mean Girls Unite. I had a similar experience last Christams with a little game of White Elephant. I thought the point of the game and the fun of it was in stealing the presents…right. I still don’t understand why everyone was so shocked when I took the wood basket from 90 year-old great-grandma.

      10.15.08 - 3:38 am

  52. Graeme -

    J*….You make me laugh.

      10.15.08 - 4:50 am

  53. Melissa -

    OMG ~ I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! Every single second of it is FABULOUS…..Way too go. I like you have mastered the art of "FOOT-IN-MOUTH" technique. =)

      10.15.08 - 5:20 am

  54. MElissa -

    @NicoleLew ~ that is incredibly shameful but hilariously FUNNY

      10.15.08 - 5:22 am

  55. Akil Bennett -

    haha, great story!

      10.15.08 - 6:08 am

  56. Liza -

    Oh em gee… I could not stop laughing…until I found it in me to stop and finally post a comment! Now that I can process what I am thinking…I would totally do that. Obviously not on purpose…but I would! You’re not alone. 😉

      10.15.08 - 7:07 am

  57. cassandra m -

    HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY to JD’s MOM! Girl…your story just makes me laugh and I really needed a laugh. Guess you will have to buy her an extra special Christmas gift 😉

      10.15.08 - 7:08 am

  58. john waire -

    sounds like a scene from Meet The Parents. too funny. sports were meant to be competitive. those who don’t want to play hard should watch from the sidelines 🙂

    great post. i wish there was picture.

      10.15.08 - 11:48 am

  59. Rob Kemp -

    What are we gonna do with you? I guess you have to treat her to Starbuck’s and remind her "it’s just a game"… and that you are in it to win it… LOL

      10.15.08 - 12:06 pm

  60. Shelia -

    Too freakin funny!! My motto..play hard or go home!

      10.15.08 - 12:12 pm

  61. deB perry -

    and this…yes THIS is why we love you! Sure…your beautiful, talented, creative and witty…but none of those compare to your willingness to come here almost daily and be transparent. That’s why so many people visit and leave comments, because you write and we relate. love that…;-)

      10.15.08 - 1:47 pm

  62. Cathy and David - Photographers -

    Bwaaaahahahahahah!!! Nice job. 😀

      10.15.08 - 2:09 pm

  63. Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride -

    LOL! I would so do that! (But I dont really like my mother in law.) Actually (having just seen Wicked) I’d say you resemble Monica from Friends more than poor old Green Elpheba!

      10.15.08 - 2:22 pm

  64. Leah Charbonneau -

    Hahaha! This made me laugh out loud! I’m sure she won’t hold it against you. 🙂

      10.15.08 - 2:26 pm

  65. Regina White -

    Dang that is mean Chica… But funny! Okay so JD would not like that I am LMAO right now. I can just see you saying too! Aye…what a hoot. =)

      10.15.08 - 2:28 pm

  66. Larry Reeves -

    I was laughing so hard at the end of your story! I can only imagine JD smiling while telling you to play nicely!hahaha…I probably would have done the same….good luck dusting off the green!

      10.15.08 - 2:42 pm

  67. Anne Nunn Photography -

    oh, you sound so much like myself. Maybe competition goes hand in hand with type A personalities. 🙂

      10.15.08 - 2:45 pm

  68. Shelly Valentine -

    This is too funny…and totally reminds me of myself! What is it that when it comes to anything competitive we have no self control!!

      10.15.08 - 2:51 pm

  69. Rachel J -

    Ooooo, that is so hilarious! 🙂 I mean, I know that you’re probably mortified, but I do hope they "took it well". LOL

    Know what you mean about being so competitive, too. I showed my booty last spring with a city v’ball league. I’d be embarrassed to play again with the same people.

      10.15.08 - 3:32 pm

  70. Julie -

    I had to quit watching ACC Basketball for that same reason. I didn’t want my kids to learn the words that might possibly be shouted at the TV during such heated games as UNC vs DUKE. I just had to walk away from all that and live my sweet, secluded, homeschooling mom life.
    I mean, I don’t want to raise ugly kids…..
    julie

      10.15.08 - 5:01 pm

  71. Frances -

    Here’s a "glass half full" way of looking at the day. You’ve given her a great gift for year’s to come "a really funny birthday story" . Generations of family will be talking about this one!

    Thank you for your incredible pictures and website!

      10.15.08 - 6:42 pm

  72. Emily Mason -

    Girl, I know exactly what you’re going through! I always manage to be the mean one where my in laws are concerned. Just hang in there and try to laugh about it=)

      10.15.08 - 6:52 pm

  73. Karen (Mikols) Bonar -

    Oh J!!!!!! You DIDN’T??!?!???!??!?

      10.15.08 - 8:38 pm

  74. Jen MacNiven -

    That’s hilarious…don’t beat yourself up over it. If you were just ‘being nice’ b/c it was her birthday…then you weren’t being true to you and your instincts to do your best.

      10.15.08 - 8:58 pm

  75. Melody Carpenter -

    I so would have done the exact same thing. Love it!

      10.16.08 - 1:42 am

  76. Shannon -

    OMG you write the funniest stuff!!! Love it 🙂

      10.16.08 - 6:05 am

  77. Kerri -

    i totally would have done the same thing… LOL

      10.16.08 - 11:37 am

  78. jessica peterson -

    ahahahahha. yesssss! if she’s anything like jd seems to be, she’ll be sending you a king-sized Snickers bar in the mail this week to congratulate you on your fierce victory! 😉

      10.16.08 - 3:49 pm

  79. Brad Buffalo -

    LMAO………This reminds me of the "Meet the Fockers" scene, when the were playing volleyball and Focker hits the ball so hard it hit that girl in the face…..

      10.16.08 - 6:45 pm

  80. Paper Monkey -

    I can totally sympathize with you. I’ve apparently lost my brain-to-mouth filter and mean things just come flying out of my mouth. My hubby was subjected to one such incident last night. I didn’t mean it, but it came out wrong.

      10.16.08 - 7:22 pm

  81. elena Gipson -

    you are hillarious, truly this is one of your three, you are an excellent writer, I check in at least once a month and find myself laughing aloud each time! Thank you!

      10.17.08 - 6:12 am

  82. robin dini -

    ha ha! you’re too cute. I would have done the same thing 🙂 birthday or no birthday

      10.17.08 - 10:04 pm

  83. vanessa H -

    You are so funny!! I am the same way!!! I don’t know what it is but when I play it is for blood!!!
    Abuelita is going down!!!!

      10.18.08 - 5:50 am

  84. brandy -

    fabulous, as usual!! thanks for the "shout out"! Give me more! 🙂

      10.18.08 - 1:55 pm

  85. Priscila M -

    This is the craziest, silliest, funniest thing I’ve ever read. As you’re giving the play-by-play.. I can just see everyone with there mouth open in awe wondering…WHAT THE HECK?!!! Thanks.. I really needed to laugh today. 🙂

      10.20.08 - 2:36 am

  86. Lydia -

    Too funny!! You had me going from spiritual thoughts to laughter in seconds!

      10.20.08 - 5:02 am

  87. Stephanie Elkins/Pazzulla -

    I check your sight all the time and for some reason I missed this blog and right now I was reading it with tears of laughter (if that makes any sense). Thank you for the great laugh. I can only imagine. Im sure you wanted to crawl right under that base. Love your sight, and the pictures are absolutely BEAUTIFUL!

      10.28.08 - 9:38 pm

  88. Stephanie Elkins/Pazzulla -

    sorry i spelled "site" wrong!

      10.28.08 - 9:39 pm

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