Mean Girl

Personal

I’ve been dealing with something for the past few days and I can’t shake it. It’s as if I’ve held a mirror to myself and saw someone else staring back at me; someone who looks nothing like me. Or, not the outside of me. You see, the person staring back at me has green skin, a large, crooked nose, and dark circles around her eyes. This person looks nothing like me. At least until I figured out that that’s what I look like on the inside. MEAN.

A few Sundays ago, JD and I celebrated his mother’s birthday. His entire family spent the afternoon together, then headed off to play a game of softball. This may seem totally pleasant and normal, but I have a history with sports. As in, I play like I’m competing for a gold medal. Or the national title. Or a king-size Snickers bar. In fact, the last time I played softball with my in-laws, my behavior (which included heckling pre-pubescent batters and cheering when opposing family members struck out) left JD mortified.

As the family walked to a nearby park, JD slung his arm around my shoulder and smiled. Oh, but don’t be deceived, Internet. It was a smile, but as JD spoke though gritted teeth, I knew what was in store: PLAY NICELY!

With the passing of each inning, I was calm, cool, and collected. My team was killing the other, so I was a happy camper. Until the last inning. When my mother-in-law’s team made a comeback. The game was close, with a runner on first base and my mother-in-law on second. I defended third base. Oooh, do you see where this is going? A hard pop-fly was hit my way, but I.DROPPED.THE.BALL!!! As the other team screams victoriously, I panic. And throw Miss Happy Camper away.

I scramble for the ball and see my mother-in-law running to third. I don’t remember if I slipped, but the next thing I know, I’m crawling like a deranged woman toward third base. Covered in dirt and grass, I tag the base with the ball. Still laying on my belly, I lift the ball in the air and scream, She’s OUT!! I GOT HER OUT!!

Then silence ensued. And nobody moved.

Everyone stared at me with slight bewilderment. I…just…tagged…out…my…mother-in-law…ON HER BIRTHDAY!?!?

Oh, Internet, what’s a mean girl to do? Dust her green skin off, point her crooked nose in the air, and smile in such a way that makes the dark circles around my eyes more obvious, that’s what.

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  1. Leslie

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:14 pm

    I’m sorry.. I’m laughing hysterically… it sounds exactly like something I would do.. just in a non-sports situation!

  2. Linda

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    so vivid! Your writing makes me picture it, feel as if I am there, and then laugh out loud sitting alone at the computer. Now that is good writing!

  3. Bordi

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:23 pm

    Dude, my husband and I both slammed my 11-year old niece in a game of Scene-It. When it comes to games, there is no nice guy!

  4. Shawn Kloster

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    There is no stopping that DETERMINATION when it comes to winning. I can soooo relate on this one! Haha!

  5. DJ

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    Please post a picture of your green self

  6. Joanna

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    I’m sitting here trying to imagine JD’s face at that exact moment.
    Girl you are to funny.

  7. Summer

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    HAHA!! I love your photo blogs, but this had me cracking up! and ps-I totally would’ve done the same thing.

  8. heather broom

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:34 pm

    LOL, that’s hilarious. Thanks for that much needed laugh :). I look forward to posts like these almost as much as posts with wedding pics.

  9. Jess

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    OMG, the "She’s OUT!! I GOT HER OUT!!" part of the story had me laughing out loud! hilarious!

  10. Joan Solitario

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:36 pm

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! he he he That must have been a priceless moment!

  11. Miguel Pola

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    Jasmine….. You had me laughing my ass off! Thats is so freakin’ Funny! Great story, Sorry mother in Law… 😉

  12. Cathy Crawley

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    Too funny Jasmine! I’m sure your family will still love you, especially after reading this hilarious entry 😉

  13. Mary Marantz

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:46 pm

    Ok….this post ROCKS my world!! Hil-ar-ious!

    xoxo
    M:)

  14. Jacqueline

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    That’s hilarious!!!!!!! I get very defensive with my fries and chips. When my boyfriend tries to sneak his hand on one of my all-time-favorite foods, he’s OUT!

  15. Camille Elise

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    The vision of you covered in dirt screaming like a mad woman just made me do some awful spit/snort combination. I’ll note I was drinking mango orange juice. And I’m at work. I don’t know who I feel more sorry for, my compute screen or your mother in law 😉 All things considered I’m sure they love you unconditionally, that means green skin and all.

  16. Hanssie Trainor

    October 14th, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    Remind me to never play any game with you on the opposite team, less MY ugly green monster rears its ugly head and we have to battle it out! (Cause I totally would’ve made it to third base before you could get there.)

  17. lin

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:11 pm

    Haha. Wow. That is when you offer to take her out for ice cream. 🙂

  18. Fishgirl

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    I don’t blame , i am pretty conpetitive myself!! i’ll do the happy dance !and in your face singing!!

  19. Val

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    you know when people type "lol" but don’t really laugh. I literally laughed out loud right now. Like my lemonade when flying up my nose from my mouth laughing. OMG!

  20. Nattnee

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    This is so hilarious (sorry!). I’m sure she’ll forgive you but she’ll never forget it…just kidding! =p

  21. Chung Nguyen

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:21 pm

    OMG. That’s all I can say. Just. OMG. That’s…. OMG.

  22. Mike Romeo

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    Business is business / fun time is fun time / and so does playing sports! it’s a game; so leave your emotions and feelings at the door !!!! 🙂

  23. Hayley

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:25 pm

    J*, I have been following your blog for a few months and you never cease to move me to smiles and tears – on this occasion both at the same time!
    You totally rock and I hope one day to be half the open, selfless, giving and talented person you are, green skin or not!! :o)

  24. Patty Hildebrand

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    Ok, I think I may have just peed my pants a little….I’m off to the bathroom to check!

  25. Lindsey

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:35 pm

    Oh Jasmine! I too actually LOL. This post cracked me up. Not sure I have any recommendations for getting back on her good side but thanks for the giggle!

    { Lindsey }
    http://www.coveiter.com

  26. Navy Sou

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:38 pm

    Ha haaaa!!!! I loved this post! You had me on the edge of my seat…lol! You’re so witty!

  27. Michele

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    LOL… ROFL!! As if I was there…

  28. Tanya Jose

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    that is AWESOME! LOL even though you feel mean, don’t they know that you have a competitive streak in you? if so, don’t worry about it…it’s YOU!

  29. Katie Slater

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    Hahahahahahhahahahaha — King Size Snickers Bar – so classic! Thanks for the laugh today! 🙂
    (P.S. – I would have done the same thing!)

  30. Chris Mathews

    October 14th, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    Haha! I am totally overly competitive too! I use to work with kids duing summer camp, and they always would ask if I would play kick ball with them, of course I dominated that scene….psh…those kids had nothing on me!

  31. Heather Espana

    October 14th, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    Oh my gosh. I am SO the same way, which is what made this experience: http://www.espanaphotographyblog.com/2008/10/jeopardy.html
    all the more humiliating for me ;). Competetive trivia tests? Not so much. Challenge me to a game of UNO though, and you’re goin’ down! 😉

  32. Bobbie Brown

    October 14th, 2008 at 10:19 pm

    Hahahahahah! Hysterical! I loved this story!

  33. Lucy

    October 14th, 2008 at 10:32 pm

    RLMAO!

    my sister in law’s family is like that and I just laugh and laugh….but I never play with them.

  34. Korey

    October 14th, 2008 at 10:36 pm

    I don’t believe you are mean! Not for one moment. We all have a little mean girl in us, though…

  35. Melissa

    October 14th, 2008 at 10:48 pm

    your not mean…just competitive. plus you probably had to be pretty competitive when you were growing up.. two of your best friends are now professional athletes. haha

  36. Valerie Yamile

    October 14th, 2008 at 10:57 pm

    You know, I really hope that someday, someone makes a sitcom about you. It would be hilarious. You are funny. You should be a sitcom writer. Or a movie writer. Or not. I mean you’re an awesome photographer but I think the world could benefit from your writing!

  37. angel swanson

    October 14th, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    HAHAHA!! this cracked me up! 😉 you are hilarious, j! but i have to say — you are not nearly as mean as you think. xoxo

  38. Anya

    October 14th, 2008 at 11:22 pm

    roflmao…..you are the Monica (from Friends) of your family! LOL! Totally hilarious. Every family needs a Monica….otherwise who would families have to tell stories and complain about? LOL! 🙂

  39. Lindsey Marie

    October 14th, 2008 at 11:40 pm

    Hahah! I’m laughing my cheeks off! this is really funny! I’m sure she still loves you like a daughter!

  40. Katherine Bowman

    October 14th, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    Too FUNNY!!!! 🙂

  41. Lisa

    October 14th, 2008 at 11:54 pm

    Jasmine, I love your writing, PLEASE write a book!!!

  42. Katherine Bowman

    October 15th, 2008 at 12:09 am

    Hey J*, you’ve been tagged! To play, visit my blog for directions! 🙂

  43. Sissel

    October 15th, 2008 at 12:14 am

    I never believe in a million years that you are a "mean" girl, but….
    that was your mother-in-law, on her birthday, sistah….watch your back.

  44. de

    October 15th, 2008 at 12:31 am

    Your story cracked me up! Hey, I would not call you "mean" I would cal you "spirited"!

  45. kelly beane

    October 15th, 2008 at 12:50 am

    this just cracks me up! i’m so competitive too, so i don’t think you’re mean at all! 😉

  46. Juls

    October 15th, 2008 at 12:59 am

    I was laughing out load while reading this. I love the way you write as I see the whole thing being played out like I’m actually there in the moment. Love it! I also doubt that you are mean, on purpose anyway 😉

  47. Shannon McFarland

    October 15th, 2008 at 1:34 am

    LOL!!!!! How flippin funny!!! I too could clearly visualize this whole thing happening before my very eyes….so much so, that I was cheering you on…."Catch it Jaz…OH NO…get it…GET IT…Get her Jasmine…Get her….LOL….YES!!!!"
    Sorry JD, & JD"s Mom, birthday or not….competition is competition…LOL I hope you had a great birthday anyway. I guess I have the green skin & crooked nose too….glad to know that I am in good company…LOL I LOVE YOUR "STORIES!!!!!" Much Love, Many Blessings, & TONS of laughs, 😉 Shannon

  48. Christopher

    October 15th, 2008 at 1:35 am

    Could have been worse, Jasmine. Imagine your mother-in-law playing catcher, attempting to block the plate as you’re rounding third and heading for home. I can almost hear the collision!

  49. Ashley

    October 15th, 2008 at 2:39 am

    Jasmine, I think you might be a saint compared to me! You were just playing the game, no harm intended, right? I love the way you tell your stories.

  50. Bob P

    October 15th, 2008 at 3:21 am

    If you made the catch in the first place, you would have been off the hook. I keep picturing Matt Dillon in ‘Something About Mary’ after he runs over the all the kids playing football – "What’s so special about them!?"

  51. niccolew

    October 15th, 2008 at 3:38 am

    Mean Girls Unite. I had a similar experience last Christams with a little game of White Elephant. I thought the point of the game and the fun of it was in stealing the presents…right. I still don’t understand why everyone was so shocked when I took the wood basket from 90 year-old great-grandma.

  52. Graeme

    October 15th, 2008 at 4:50 am

    J*….You make me laugh.

  53. Melissa

    October 15th, 2008 at 5:20 am

    OMG ~ I LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT! Every single second of it is FABULOUS…..Way too go. I like you have mastered the art of "FOOT-IN-MOUTH" technique. =)

  54. MElissa

    October 15th, 2008 at 5:22 am

    @NicoleLew ~ that is incredibly shameful but hilariously FUNNY

  55. Akil Bennett

    October 15th, 2008 at 6:08 am

    haha, great story!

  56. Liza

    October 15th, 2008 at 7:07 am

    Oh em gee… I could not stop laughing…until I found it in me to stop and finally post a comment! Now that I can process what I am thinking…I would totally do that. Obviously not on purpose…but I would! You’re not alone. 😉

  57. cassandra m

    October 15th, 2008 at 7:08 am

    HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY to JD’s MOM! Girl…your story just makes me laugh and I really needed a laugh. Guess you will have to buy her an extra special Christmas gift 😉

  58. john waire

    October 15th, 2008 at 11:48 am

    sounds like a scene from Meet The Parents. too funny. sports were meant to be competitive. those who don’t want to play hard should watch from the sidelines 🙂

    great post. i wish there was picture.

  59. Rob Kemp

    October 15th, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    What are we gonna do with you? I guess you have to treat her to Starbuck’s and remind her "it’s just a game"… and that you are in it to win it… LOL

  60. Shelia

    October 15th, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    Too freakin funny!! My motto..play hard or go home!

  61. deB perry

    October 15th, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    and this…yes THIS is why we love you! Sure…your beautiful, talented, creative and witty…but none of those compare to your willingness to come here almost daily and be transparent. That’s why so many people visit and leave comments, because you write and we relate. love that…;-)

  62. Cathy and David - Photographers

    October 15th, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    Bwaaaahahahahahah!!! Nice job. 😀

  63. Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride

    October 15th, 2008 at 2:22 pm

    LOL! I would so do that! (But I dont really like my mother in law.) Actually (having just seen Wicked) I’d say you resemble Monica from Friends more than poor old Green Elpheba!

  64. Leah Charbonneau

    October 15th, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    Hahaha! This made me laugh out loud! I’m sure she won’t hold it against you. 🙂

  65. Regina White

    October 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm

    Dang that is mean Chica… But funny! Okay so JD would not like that I am LMAO right now. I can just see you saying too! Aye…what a hoot. =)

  66. Larry Reeves

    October 15th, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    I was laughing so hard at the end of your story! I can only imagine JD smiling while telling you to play nicely!hahaha…I probably would have done the same….good luck dusting off the green!

  67. Anne Nunn Photography

    October 15th, 2008 at 2:45 pm

    oh, you sound so much like myself. Maybe competition goes hand in hand with type A personalities. 🙂

  68. Shelly Valentine

    October 15th, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    This is too funny…and totally reminds me of myself! What is it that when it comes to anything competitive we have no self control!!

  69. Rachel J

    October 15th, 2008 at 3:32 pm

    Ooooo, that is so hilarious! 🙂 I mean, I know that you’re probably mortified, but I do hope they "took it well". LOL

    Know what you mean about being so competitive, too. I showed my booty last spring with a city v’ball league. I’d be embarrassed to play again with the same people.

  70. Julie

    October 15th, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    I had to quit watching ACC Basketball for that same reason. I didn’t want my kids to learn the words that might possibly be shouted at the TV during such heated games as UNC vs DUKE. I just had to walk away from all that and live my sweet, secluded, homeschooling mom life.
    I mean, I don’t want to raise ugly kids…..
    julie

  71. Frances

    October 15th, 2008 at 6:42 pm

    Here’s a "glass half full" way of looking at the day. You’ve given her a great gift for year’s to come "a really funny birthday story" . Generations of family will be talking about this one!

    Thank you for your incredible pictures and website!

  72. Emily Mason

    October 15th, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Girl, I know exactly what you’re going through! I always manage to be the mean one where my in laws are concerned. Just hang in there and try to laugh about it=)

  73. Karen (Mikols) Bonar

    October 15th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    Oh J!!!!!! You DIDN’T??!?!???!??!?

  74. Jen MacNiven

    October 15th, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    That’s hilarious…don’t beat yourself up over it. If you were just ‘being nice’ b/c it was her birthday…then you weren’t being true to you and your instincts to do your best.

  75. Melody Carpenter

    October 16th, 2008 at 1:42 am

    I so would have done the exact same thing. Love it!

  76. Shannon

    October 16th, 2008 at 6:05 am

    OMG you write the funniest stuff!!! Love it 🙂

  77. Kerri

    October 16th, 2008 at 11:37 am

    i totally would have done the same thing… LOL

  78. jessica peterson

    October 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    ahahahahha. yesssss! if she’s anything like jd seems to be, she’ll be sending you a king-sized Snickers bar in the mail this week to congratulate you on your fierce victory! 😉

  79. Brad Buffalo

    October 16th, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    LMAO………This reminds me of the "Meet the Fockers" scene, when the were playing volleyball and Focker hits the ball so hard it hit that girl in the face…..

  80. Paper Monkey

    October 16th, 2008 at 7:22 pm

    I can totally sympathize with you. I’ve apparently lost my brain-to-mouth filter and mean things just come flying out of my mouth. My hubby was subjected to one such incident last night. I didn’t mean it, but it came out wrong.

  81. elena Gipson

    October 17th, 2008 at 6:12 am

    you are hillarious, truly this is one of your three, you are an excellent writer, I check in at least once a month and find myself laughing aloud each time! Thank you!

  82. robin dini

    October 17th, 2008 at 10:04 pm

    ha ha! you’re too cute. I would have done the same thing 🙂 birthday or no birthday

  83. vanessa H

    October 18th, 2008 at 5:50 am

    You are so funny!! I am the same way!!! I don’t know what it is but when I play it is for blood!!!
    Abuelita is going down!!!!

  84. brandy

    October 18th, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    fabulous, as usual!! thanks for the "shout out"! Give me more! 🙂

  85. Priscila M

    October 20th, 2008 at 2:36 am

    This is the craziest, silliest, funniest thing I’ve ever read. As you’re giving the play-by-play.. I can just see everyone with there mouth open in awe wondering…WHAT THE HECK?!!! Thanks.. I really needed to laugh today. 🙂

  86. Lydia

    October 20th, 2008 at 5:02 am

    Too funny!! You had me going from spiritual thoughts to laughter in seconds!

  87. Stephanie Elkins/Pazzulla

    October 28th, 2008 at 9:38 pm

    I check your sight all the time and for some reason I missed this blog and right now I was reading it with tears of laughter (if that makes any sense). Thank you for the great laugh. I can only imagine. Im sure you wanted to crawl right under that base. Love your sight, and the pictures are absolutely BEAUTIFUL!

  88. Stephanie Elkins/Pazzulla

    October 28th, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    sorry i spelled "site" wrong!