A few days ago—after being tirelessly annoying for two or three hours—I asked JD if he thought I was funny. Standing in front of an open refrigerator door, he simply said, No. I furrowed my eyebrows so they looked like a singular catepillar slowly making its way across my forehead and said, But, really, you must think I’m hilarious… Staring intently at bean sprouts, a carton of strawberries, or my half-eaten apple from the morning’s breakfast, he remained silent. Not even when I sing rap songs like Broadway musical show tunes? Imitate your father at the dinner table? Dance in the grocery market?! Silence.
Oh, Internet, it’s evident he was LYING TO MY FACE. JD so thinks I’m funny. I’m almost certain he whispered to friends at a dinner party that he’s married to Eddie Murphy’s long-lost twin. Either that or I should host my own HBO Comedy Special. Or that he can’t believe he’s married to someone as funny as me. I am almost certain I heard him say something like this. Or something that rhymes with this.
As I looked through JD’s images from yesterday’s wedding, I found my new most favorite picture. I look horrifically UGLY, but that’s why I like it. I love it because JD captured me in all my fugliness talking with my bride along Hollywood Boulevard. The moment is so real and conjures only the fondest memories of working with such an amazing couple.
The next time JD stands in front of an open refrigerator door, I’m going to ask him if he thinks I’m funny. If he says no, I’ll dance around the kitchen singing rap songs like Little Orphan Annie and know this picture proves otherwise.
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