The Dress

The Dress


This past weekend, while shopping for a new dress for a special occasion, I dragged JD to South Coast Plaza for a little retail therapy. Toward the end of a long afternoon, I promised him I was almost finished. I just had ONE MORE DRESS to try on. He blinked so many times I thought he was trying to Morse Code distress messages, but I conveniently ignored his pleas and ventured into the dressing room. I reappeared in the dress and JD gave a thumbs-up from afar.

Then it was my turn for blinking Morse Code.

RED ALERT…the…dress…won’t…zip.

JD walked over to the dressing room and after a few moments of hoping, wishing, and suck-it-in-and-don’t-breathe-ing, it finally zipped. It appears I have some work to do in the weight department, especially if I want to oh, say, BREATHE in the dress when it’s time to wear it.

For the next two weeks, I’m going to stay away from sugar and try to eat right. This is after a weekend of eating tablespoons of sugar, guzzling a vat of lard, and pounding loaves of Wonder Bread. But this week marks a new start.

Just yesterday, as I left for a shoot, JD packed a bag of Reduced Fat Cheeze-Its and proffered it as I loaded my car. I looked at him in shock…and fear. Shock that he’d tempt me, and Fear that I’d actually take them. So I did what my good Christian mother told me to do whenever I was tempted. I turned to him and looked squarely at the Ziplock bag in his hands and said, Get behind me, Satan. JD just rolled his eyes and tossed the bag in the car.

After the shoot, I sent JD the following text message: Dear Satan, I ate the crackers. Now you owe me liposuction.

So, here’s to hoping for more will power. Or learning how to hold my breath for a few hours.

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  1. Candace Prokopets -

    It is very funny that this would be a post where I would be the first to comment. I am a sweet fanatic. My mom and I are on this kick to workout and eat better. Just yesterday, I was great all day until about 9:30pm when my husband and I proceeded to eat pastries COVERED in powdered sugar with a nice tall glass of milk. But get this Jasmine – we were watching our download of Biggest Loser!!! How wrong are we?

      10.21.08 - 7:25 pm

  2. Alicia -

    I just ate flamin’ hots. A whole bag of them. Now I’m cursing the silly little bag they came in. I have a wedding dress to fit into you know. 😉

      10.21.08 - 7:29 pm

  3. Tira J -

    OMG! This post is perfect. Well, not perfect for the un-zipped dress, but a perfect reminder to continue to watch the sugar and the carbs. I ate those same exact crackers last night while editing a shoot and LOVED THEM!

      10.21.08 - 7:30 pm

  4. Jasmine* -

    @Candace: LOL!!! I do the same thing! I stuff my face when I watch America’s Next Top Model…then complain about my thighs?! @Alicia: Don’t worry about the dress! Afterall, you got some WAY HOT shoes to wear!! Hollla! @Tira: Those crackers are SIN! 🙂

      10.21.08 - 7:32 pm

  5. lyndsay -

    my mom always said/says "get behind me satan." i haven’t picked it up yet, but i know it’s just a matter of time!

    ps-i just ate TWO grandma’s homestyle oatmeal raisin cookies…oops!

      10.21.08 - 7:38 pm

  6. nely -

    This post made me laugh. Maybe because I relate so well. I complain to my husband about my jeans not zipping up while I’m sprawled on the couch, pounding a bag of chocolate covered macadamia nuts. yikes. here’s to more will-power for both of us!

      10.21.08 - 7:38 pm

  7. Catie R -

    Freakin hilarious. Gave me some serious post-lunch chuckles. Thanks for that J*! I totally need to rev up my willpower when it comes to food…with my wedding coming, I need to fit in the dress!! I can’t afford (nor want) lipo!!

      10.21.08 - 7:41 pm

  8. Jane -

    My usual tactic in this situation is to buy the dress in a larger size, cut off the tag so I never have to remember the number and call it a day. Or you could work out. Whatever. =)

      10.21.08 - 7:42 pm

  9. Jodi -

    I hear you – but the difference is probably 30 pounds or more. 30 pounds I have on you – 30 extra pounds… So while I hear you having trouble resisting, remember your commenter that is much like you, but with 30 extra 🙂

    MCP Actions

      10.21.08 - 7:45 pm

  10. Kayla of Spink Studio -

    Oh my gosh! That totally made me laugh out loud! My husband will also give me the, "Get behind me, Satan" line when I try to tempt him. So funny!

      10.21.08 - 7:53 pm

  11. Melissa -

    Oh dear, I can SO relate. And husbands can be so evil.

    Good luck with the willpower!

      10.21.08 - 8:01 pm

  12. heidi -

    pssst…jasmine…i think you mean MORSE code. 🙂 Also! Good luck!

      10.21.08 - 8:01 pm

  13. Dawn McKinstry -

    My husband and I communicate with the "many blinks" from time to time too. It’s good to know we’re not the only weirdos who to that 😉

      10.21.08 - 8:02 pm

  14. Margo -

    I never comment, but honestly. First off: You are SO BEAUTIFUL. You must know that, right? Second off, the trick is to stuff yourself with healthy food so that you don’t have room for the unhealthy stuff. Try whole wheat toast (the heavier the loaf, the better – I like a lot of the Orowheat breads), with jam for a snack. Then for meals, eat a ton of veggies, and you’ll have no room left for dessert. We also love the frozen shelled edamame as a snack lately – you just boil ’em for three minutes, strain, salt, and eat!

      10.21.08 - 8:11 pm

  15. Stacy Cross -

    You are a riot!

      10.21.08 - 8:14 pm

  16. AbiQ -

    Ohhh my husband does the same thing with cheeze-its. He eats them continently and is always tempting me with them. So I’ve resorted to only getting him the white ones cause I don’t like those! 😉

      10.21.08 - 8:15 pm

  17. Cristy Cross -

    hahahaaha! I love it. You are so funny.

      10.21.08 - 8:35 pm

  18. Ann -

    The story’s not complete with out the most important part!! …the picture of the DRESS! .. I’ll be waiting.

      10.21.08 - 8:47 pm

  19. Ginger Murray -

    Ah haha… Well, at least they were reduced fat Cheez-Its. My friends ask me why I get the reduced fat ones, and I say, "um, DUH… so I can eat more without feeling guilty!"
    Rice cakes are super good… but I usually eat half the bag before I’m satisfied, BECAUSE they’re so good… so that kind of defeats the purpose of eating in proportions… Whatever.

      10.21.08 - 9:04 pm

  20. Ginger Murray -

    Oh, and also… I really don’t like wheat bread… I’m so much a white bread girl… however, Sara Lee’s "Honey Wheat" bread is really good, and doesn’t taste as wheaty at all! I’ve actually been hoping to share that good news with someone for a long time! lol.

      10.21.08 - 9:06 pm

  21. Ken Burg -

    Jasmine, I always love your writing/storytelling; quite often it makes me smile. This time you got me to laugh out loud. You’re so worth the "spelling it all out" instead of just another, run-of-the-mill LOL!

      10.21.08 - 9:19 pm

  22. Candy -

    I find so much joy reading your blog! Some days I cry and some days, like today, I just crack up laughing…I needed the laugh today so I just wanted to say thank you! 🙂

      10.21.08 - 9:20 pm

  23. carlie -

    i have 3 dresses and 2 pairs of jeans in my closet that i told gabriel "just watch, two weeks they will fit nooooo problem!!" haha.. ya my ass is still too big!

      10.21.08 - 9:27 pm

  24. Joan Solitario -

    2 weeks? only? Gosh I wish I only needed two weeks hehe I need 2 years to get back to health… but I’m with you! 😀

      10.21.08 - 9:39 pm

  25. Melissa -

    haha…don’t ya hate when that happens? well..good luck. i’m sure you’ll be successful at your task… you always are.

      10.21.08 - 9:53 pm

  26. Nattnee -

    If 2 weeks is all you got, maybe you’d like to give the New York Body Diet a try. It’s quite strict and is for 2 weeks. I never quite had the discipline to do it for more than 2 days haha.

      10.21.08 - 10:13 pm

  27. lin -

    Do we get any photos of this awesome dress you bought? Hehe.

      10.21.08 - 10:20 pm

  28. Katherine Bowman -

    A vat of lard!!! Gross! 🙂 Be sure to stay away from salt too, tends to make one poofy! And i’m sure you look great as you are!

      10.21.08 - 10:42 pm

  29. Michelle -

    OH MY GOODNESS! You are so funny!!!!!!!! Loved this blog!

      10.21.08 - 10:45 pm

  30. Emily Mason -

    That is hilarious! I am in teh same boat right now! We went to the state fair last weekend and I think all I ate was fat and lard! Now I feel like lard!

      10.21.08 - 10:46 pm

  31. Mel -

    Oh my goodness- when I read "Get behind me Satan!" I laughed so loud I probably scared my neighbors. That totally sounds like something I would do! Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

      10.21.08 - 10:47 pm

  32. Jessica C -

    I feel the same way about the butterfinger halloween candy I have in the house right now. After Halloween I go right back to healthy snacks. Good luck, thanks for the laugh!

      10.21.08 - 11:06 pm

  33. Stephanie -

    Too funny, this post made me lol, thanks for sharing!

      10.21.08 - 11:06 pm

  34. Inspired Events -

    I just adore you Jasmine!! You make me laugh out loud every time.. "get behind me satan" I know exactly where you are coming from with that one… You are such an inspiration Girl….

      10.21.08 - 11:07 pm

  35. Amanda Auer -

    Oh Jasmine, it’s all about portions! Hopefully your caring husband packed you one single serving of reduced fat cheez-its, knowing your dress problem. I love the verse you quoted and it tends to come up in my life for use quite often as well!! haha, good luck to you!!

      10.21.08 - 11:32 pm

  36. annajoy -

    hahhahaa, too cute! funny, and a little off topic, my new favorite christmas album (by sufjan stevens, he’s a christian guy) has a song called Get Behind Me, Santa! anyways, your post made me think of it. hope your dress fits 🙂

      10.22.08 - 1:33 am

  37. Ariana W. -

    Haha! I honestly think you are just Fine in the "Weight department" Better than me at least! But I am Proud to say, that I have since January Lost 50 pounds!
    It was always hard, cause I never had the courage to get off my butt and lose weight!
    I am only 17 and when I made it two hundred pounds, I Finally told myself to just do! so after 10 months of constant working out and TRYING to eat better I am 50 pounds lighter!!!!! Hallelujah!
    It feels so good to be in the mediums again!!!!!!! lol
    Ariana W.

      10.22.08 - 2:14 am

  38. Carolin -

    ROTFL!!!!! I am so using the "Get behind me Satan"!!!

      10.22.08 - 2:27 am

  39. Erin Smith -

    That’s so funny, my mother always told me to use the "get behind me, Satan" line as well…..hmm

      10.22.08 - 3:00 am

  40. rachel brooke -

    Growin’ up in a southern Christian home, it’s a shocker that I’ve never heard this phrase. But it’s a new one, and I like it! Yall always seem to have a fun banter.

      10.22.08 - 4:23 am

  41. Liza -

    That is too funny!

      10.22.08 - 7:15 am

  42. Natarsha N. Wright -

    Ohhhh, I love cheez-its! I’m praying for your strength to say no to the sweets…in the mean time I will eat enough for the both of us…hahaha…lol

      10.22.08 - 9:48 am

  43. Rachel B.D. -

    Yea, I can imagine myself saying those very words… but with the holidays just around the corner, the words will be more muffled, with particles of chewed food flying outta my mouth, smacking anyone within a 10-mile radius in the face…

      10.22.08 - 11:46 am

  44. Ana Gabriela -


      10.22.08 - 1:25 pm

  45. Katie Slater -

    As a life long New Englander who grew up Catholic – I have just learned a new phrase!! 🙂 Thanks!

    ~J* you look fantastic, keep doing what you are doing and will have nothing to worry about! Life’s too short – if you want the Cheez-Its – eat the Cheez-Its!!!! 🙂

      10.22.08 - 1:53 pm

  46. Lauren -

    Peeing my pants.

      10.22.08 - 3:00 pm

  47. Geanette -

    I’m with ya sista’! All this editing makes areas of my body alittle, umm, well, rounder!! Just know you have a partner in Riverside in the the search for the better body!

      10.22.08 - 3:49 pm

  48. Korey -

    We are so alike…I’m telling you, I couldn’t say no with my beautiful dress in mind, and the loads of pictures I knew you’d be taking. I have to remove myself from the situation. "No, I cannot go to dinner with you because I am not capable of making healthy choices when tempted to do otherwise. I’ll be at home with my protein shake and apple thankyouverymuch."

      10.22.08 - 4:10 pm

  49. jenniferL -

    ha, blinking morse code!

      10.22.08 - 4:35 pm

  50. Blair Van Bussel -

    Oh no, those amazing little crakers are too good! Hey, at least they are reduced fat! I feel ya girl, its hard!!! I just joined the "Healthy Train" with Bobbi (+Mike). and Ive lost 5 lbs now! Whoot whoot!! 🙂 Im on my first real diet and as much as I thought I would never be able to do it, Im not doing too terrible. lol I totally blogged about it too 😉

      10.22.08 - 4:44 pm

  51. jeramy -

    hilarious! seriously. are we going to see the dress?

      10.22.08 - 4:49 pm

  52. Annie -

    You crack me up. I think mostly because these are things that I say to my hubby as well. It’s just funnier when someone else does it. I have been wondering how your mom has been. Do you have an update?

      10.22.08 - 5:12 pm

  53. Paper Monkey -

    You’re hilarious. Good luck with the willpower thing. I’m never very good at that.

      10.22.08 - 11:14 pm

  54. Larry Reeves -

    Hahahahahahaha!!! I love this story! Thanks for the insight into your personal life…it’s always fun to get a glimpse into your personality!

      10.23.08 - 6:39 pm

  55. Amy -

    LOL!!!!!! WOW you crack me up!! I heart your blog sooo sooo much. You and JD have the most fabulous relationship, I love it!! Thanks for all the fun stories and inspirations you share with us, you ROCK

      10.24.08 - 2:34 am

  56. Cathy Crawley -

    LOL, too funny! At least they were reduced fat!

      10.24.08 - 3:39 am

  57. michelle cunningham -

    oh jasmine, i totally understand. at least you still have the regular workout thing going. i’m back in the land of home cooked food and being fed my fav foods by my fav people. how do i turn away?

      10.24.08 - 6:31 am

  58. Kathi -

    I absolutely LOVE reading your blog!! It is almost addictive! Ok, it IS addictive. And just when I say that it’s ok to close the laptop and do other things, you go and make a post like this one that keeps me doubling over in laughter. You say some of the cutest things sometimes!!! Thank you for being so openly yourself!!

      10.24.08 - 5:10 pm

  59. Kelsey Horner -

    Haha, you are adorable.. And hilarious! I love reading your stories like this. I feel like I know your personality without even meeting you. Keep up the great work on your photos and your blog!

      10.26.08 - 9:08 pm

  60. Val McCormick Photography -

    HA, HA, HA that’s awesome 🙂

      10.29.08 - 7:45 am

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