I was angry.  Of course it didn’t look that way on social media, but I was angry.  To make it worse, I was on vacation in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.  Apparently not living la vida local.

This photo doesn’t show just how hurt, angry, and disappointed I was.  But–of course–that stuff never gets shared on Instagram.  It was November 2018, and I was deflated.

The business was growing, I was healthy, and I was surrounded by people who loved me, so what was the problem?

JD and I had just been denied the chance to adopt a baby girl.  We were one of two families selected, but it didn’t work out for us, and I cried bitter tears.

(Little did I know it’d take another 14 months for our daughter to find us.)

We packed our bags and I disappeared off social media, so I could mourn.  Pacing restlessly in my hotel room overlooking the Sea of Cortez, I needed a release so I began to dream out my future.

I grabbed my journal and started writing as my future self.  I didn’t write “I will,” or “We are going to,” I wrote in present tense, as if the moment was happening in Cabo.

I’m sipping Mexican coffee, scents of sea salt wafting through the air, and my daughter is sitting poolside.  She’s laughing and beckoning her dad to join her in the water.  My oversized hat blocks the sun, while I balance my camera to quickly capture the moment, a memory…

I wrote and wrote.  I wrote until my hand cramped, the pain a reminder that I was still in the present, but buoyed by the vision for my future.  My heart continued to ache, but I regained hope.

And that brings us to today.  At the risk of sounding cheesy:  TODAY IS THE FUTURE.

JD and I packed our bags and headed to Cabo San Lucas, but this time we were accompanied by our daughter.  Four years later, we’ve returned to the same place my broken heart began its repair.

(I even packed an oversized hat and my camera to ensure my vision becomes a reality…go ahead, say I’m extra…you’re right…I am extra and I couldn’t be more proud…watch me walk around that pool with my big hat and camera like I’m living in a miracle…BECAUSE. I. AM.)

I’ve taken a break from social media for the week, I’ve set my email auto-responder, and I have a new set of sun freckles dancing across my face, but I wanted to send this note to remind you…

…broken hearts heal, new dreams can be created, and promises are waiting to be fulfilled.

Now is not the time to lose hope.

From hand-cramps to miracles,
j*