You know, for as much as I like the beach, I've come to realize she might not like me. I mean, really. If the Beach was a person, I'd call her into my office so we could hug it out. A couple weeks ago, while JD and I were swimming along the Gold Coast, I felt the strangest sensation…like a fire whip struck both my shins at once. I screamed. JD immediately turned around to gauge my drama-queenness as the shriek could've meant I was drowning, or I saw a Zac Efron lookalike.

At first I thought it was my imagination, but, no, something definitely happened. And I was in pain. That's when JD saw the jelly fish swim away. He helped me from the water and while we inspected the severity of the sting, large red welts formed across both my legs. Wow, this fish had it in for me. I think I embarrassed JD because I walked with my feet turned out in a slight squat, like I just got off riding a horse for 14 hours. This was CLEARLY not the impression I wanted to give to the Australian lifeguards. Oh, yes, help me…I'm John Wayne's stand-in.

They sprayed a solution on my legs (why didn't I shave today?!?!) and bid us a g'day. I hobbled back to our beach towels and winced from the embarrassment of it all. JD–ever the optimist–said, Well, look on the bright side: At least you got to talk with the lifeguards!

This leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses…

This week's DISSES go to:
*Jellyfish. Of course.
*Australian lifeguards. I was hoping they'd carry me to my towel and offer to share their coconut sunscreen.
*Realizing the piece of floss you just cut was too short. Hate when this happens.

This week's KISSES go to:
*Zac Efron. Because he's scream-worthy.
*Think Thin protein bars. They're low in sugar and surprisingly tasty…I mean, it's no Snickers, but you don't feel guilty liking the chocolate off your fingers later!

Happy Friday!