A couple days ago, on November 11th, I turned to my husband and said it was the two-year anniversary of publishing EXPOSED Magazine. For months we spent endless hours putting it together, writing the gritty details of how I started my business, and the pitfalls along the way. In spite of it all, I was–and am–able to create a successful business.

In the two years that have passed, so much has changed. If I look back, I might say publishing the magazine fundamentally changed me. Sharing so much personal information opened me to loads of criticism, forcing me to put a lot of pressure on myself. To be more, to do more, to push in spite of what was in front of me. In the process, I lost a piece of who I was. I can only say this in retrospect…looking back one can see life in 20/20.

I made mistakes in the past two years (and I'm still dealing with the ramifications of these misguided decisions), and sometimes I struggle moving forward. Last week a friend asked why I couldn't forgive myself of past mistakes and it took me a week before I could respond: I have a hard time forgiving the person I've become…

I'm working at finding myself again, to find my voice amongst the mire. One day I might be able to sit down and write a continuation of my story, but until then, I'm thankful for grace and support from friends in the photo industry. If I ever publish another magazine (no plans yet!), I look forward to sharing the lessons I'm learning along the way.

I'm still inordinately proud of EXPOSED Magazine. If nothing else, it taught me I can do anything I put my mind to…this is comforting to think I can apply this idea to my life today.
j*