Kisses and Disses : Chutney + Budgets


I stared up at my friends in horror from the cement, hoping against all odds THAT didn’t just happen. Oh, but it did. On our way to dinner on Monday night in Downtown San Diego–laughing, hungry after a workout, and tired from a full day–we walked the streets in search of the perfect Indian restaurant. As we rushed across the street to avoid the red light, I quickly stepped onto the sideway and then…slipped.

And not like a graceful, elicit pity slip. It was straight out of a cartoon…you know, where I’m suspended in midair for nine seconds while my feet pedal in hopes of avoiding a fall. Next thing I know, I pancake the sidewalk. Then I pray for God to send a giant earthquake to SWALLOW ME WHOLE. I lay on the floor while my friends rush over and ask if I had a seizure. Or momentarily levitated.

After a few seconds, I dust my ego off and get back on my feet. Just then a group of dashing Don Draper lookalikes approach me and I kinda hope they ask if I’m okay. You know, so I can bat my eyes and act all Grace Kelly. Instead, the one with the red tie smiles and says, Don’t worry, none of us saw you fall!

So, yeah, this leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses

This week’s DISSES go to…
*The guy wearing the red tie. I mean, really? I fell…in public…hard. Couldn’t he have let a girl bat her eyelashes?!
*One-ply toilet paper. Why even bother making it anymore?
*Budgets. Yes, I need to stay away from shopping for a bit…I got all Girl in the Green Scarf for a hot minute, so I need to check myself. Ummm, let’s hope for the best.

This week’s KISSES go to…
*Apricot chutney. Tried it for the first time on Monday night and my life? Will never be the same. Chutney completes me.
*Trader Joe’s Midsummer Night’s Cream. Yes, this cream is uber moisturizing and leaves your freshly shaven legs shiny. Say it with me now, Ooooooh…
*Mail. Random, I know. But everyday I check the mailbox to see if I’ve received a note or card. I sound pathetic admitting this online, but I don’t care. I love paper…and words…and signatures. I save all notes I receive because I’ve convinced myself one day I’m going to find a cool way to display them all. Whoa, I have issues.

Happy Friday!

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  1. ClaireBear

    April 30th, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    that made me laught out loud & now my puppies think ‘m crazy 🙂 You described the fall perfectly and i really apreciate that because i believe witnessing someone fall down, or you yourself falling down, remains to be the single most effective way of bringing us back down to earth – in the most brutal & hilarious way x

  2. Miguel Carvajal

    April 30th, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    Ha ha ha! This is so funny… wish I could have been there to watch… and help you up too, not just gawk.

  3. krista lucas

    April 30th, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    all things trader joe’s rock my socks.

    and i save cards too. 🙂

  4. Kaysha

    April 30th, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    Your posts always make me smile!! 🙂

  5. Carrie K

    April 30th, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    I always keep the cards from my mom and grandma because I know someday, I’ll miss their writing. Scrapbook them with your gorgeous pics J*!

  6. Candace Prokopets

    April 30th, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    OMG! How mortifying! But at least you are laughing about it now and making light of it. That’s the only way to handle it. Love your Kisses and Disses series. Happy Friday!

  7. Caitlin Scott Photography

    April 30th, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    I love getting mail too. I think its just the simple fact that you get to open something. But its even better when its a card or a note, just because. For no other reason than JUST BECAUSE.

    And the guy in the RED TIE, he should have let you have your Grace Kelly moment, jeeeezzzz.

  8. Molly

    April 30th, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    There is definitely something to be said for Snail Mail. It just makes you feel special.

  9. Melissa

    April 30th, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    I have to admit, your description of your fall literally made me laugh out loud. Luckily my bosses are not in their offices. It’s funny for two reasons 1- I totally got the visual. 2- I’m one of those awful people who laugh when someone falls. I can’t help it, it’s something I’ve done since childhood. In fact it runs in the family all the way down to my 5 y.o. niece. I’m glad your ok tho.

  10. Stephanie

    April 30th, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    snail mail is the best!

  11. Tira J

    April 30th, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    You are so adorable! Even if the red tie guy didn’t assist you. I will have to try that Trader Joe’s cream. Another one that makes your legs really nice is Palmers Oil. Love it. Time for me to send you another piece of mail! LOL!

  12. Megan Beth

    April 30th, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    I often check the mailbox for something ‘good.’ Unfortunately all I ever get is more Bed Bath & Beyond coupons!

  13. MelissaFoscardo

    April 30th, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    I know exactly what you mean about saving cards. I have Christmas cards dating all the way back to the 90s in the hope that one day I’ll find a cool way to display them too. So far, no luck, so if you ever discover one, please be sure and make a blog post about it. All of us paper- keepers-for-life will greatly appreciate it!

  14. Mandy

    April 30th, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    Agree! Nothing better than getting a hand written letter or note. I love opening a letter or card, and knowing right away who sent it just by looking at the hand writing. 🙂

  15. Courtney Reece

    April 30th, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    AAW! Girl in the Green Scarf. 🙂 Love those Shopaholic books…and sorry to hear about your fall and the not so compassionate man in the red tie.

  16. Tammie

    April 30th, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Love it! Sometimes people just don’t have tact…so sad, so so sad!

  17. s h e r r y

    April 30th, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    Haha. I can’t believe guy-with-the-red-tie didn’t even ask if you were okay! P:

  18. Karen

    April 30th, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    Lol, this made me laugh. When things like that happen to me, I always end up laughing about it. And I’ll randomly think about it from time to time and laugh to myself.

  19. Mindy

    April 30th, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    Love your story!!! If it makes you feel any better I fall every school year…PROMISE!!! And EVERY TIME it’s in public…sometimes it is in my classroom and in front of my students…and sometimes it’s walking on campus in front of everyone!!! This school year it was on the sidewalk in front of students and parents…I tripped and fell face flat as though I was sliding into home plate!!! It’s just a given now and each year I wonder when it will be…hee-hee!!! Happy Aloha Friday!!!

  20. Sara France

    April 30th, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    OMG! Thanks for the laugh once again Jasmine! I had to read it aloud to Josh in the office. Hilarious! You are so cute. Next time call me when you are in SD. I won’t let you fall!

  21. heather

    April 30th, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    I also keep all my cards:)

  22. Doug Scroggins

    April 30th, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    I have to tell you I laughed hysterically while reading this post. I LOVE the way you write and you do it in a way that is void of competition J*. I hope you know that I follow your work, words, wisdom and whimsy and I am always excited to see when you have posted something new. Keep it coming Jasmine, as you really are a *.

  23. Lydia

    April 30th, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    Ahh, now I’m going to have a nightmare about falling at tomorrow’s wedding! I love getting mail too! Something as simple as a handwritten note makes my day!

  24. Cherisse

    April 30th, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Jasmine, you crack me up!

  25. life with Kaishon

    April 30th, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    Oh no! So sorry about the fall!

    If I had your address I would send you a card just so you could have mail : )

  26. Natalie Tuggle

    April 30th, 2010 at 8:56 pm

    *I hate falling in public*
    I love getting card in the mail too!! I try to write to people all the time in hopes they might return the favor…the only one so far is my sweet grandmother.

  27. Katie Neal Photo

    April 30th, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Um, the dude in the red tie obviously had NO manners. Boys these days, I swear. 🙂 Your kisses and disses complete me. 🙂

  28. James

    April 30th, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    Oh man that’s lame. I haven’t had the privilege of falling in public but my wife has on many occasions, I can only imagine it’s not a fun feeling. If I was the guy in the red tie, I would tell you like I tell my wife. "You sure were looking good on the way down"! Haha. Nice Post!

  29. Chanelle Segerius-Bruce

    April 30th, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    mmm chutney is great with curry. In South Africa it is served on the side. Yum. PS sorry about your wipe out!

  30. Mike

    April 30th, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Having worked at the WORLD FAMOUS Hollywood Improv for years, I can honestly tell you that you might have a career in comedy, if you ever stop doing your other art. Granted, you might be an opening act, but everyone starts somewhere! Very funny writing, Jasmine!

  31. Joyce Kuklis

    April 30th, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    Next time you want to do dinner in San Diego with your friends you might want to try out Chopahn’s Afghan cuisine in downtown. I recommend the challaw! So d’lish!

  32. Tony Gonzalez

    April 30th, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    Jasmine i laugh with you not at you, but i so needed a good laugh this week or i was seriously gonna go insane. 1 way or another you bring a smile to peoples faces and i thank thee. But i do hope you were ok.

  33. Bianca

    April 30th, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    Buuuuuuut, it was HILARIOUS! Once I realized that nothing more than your ego was bruised, I was delighted at your expense. Oh, and dont’ worry, I batted my eyelashes at the men when they passed by as I picked you up off the pavement all Mother Theresa like 😉

  34. Evie Perez

    April 30th, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    I love kisses and Disses. I am so clumsy, it driver my husband nuts. What can I say? I am a girl that does not pay attention. I am so glad you did not have major pains. Have a great weekend!

  35. Brent Pilgrim

    April 30th, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    I’m just embarrassed that I know what "girl in the green scarf" means. I need an action movie, stat!

  36. Chris Moss

    April 30th, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    I love Don Draper! He can pick me up off the sidewalk and lie to me ANY day!

  37. amanda thiessen

    May 1st, 2010 at 4:35 am

    seriously 1-ply TP??!!! what the heck!!!

  38. Bhumi

    May 1st, 2010 at 4:39 am

    CHUTNEY!! Jasmine, you must try mango chutney, it’ll rock your world!! 🙂

  39. Apple

    May 1st, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    hahahaha. hope you didn’t hurt yourself. :))

    oooh! nothing beats snail mail! err. you know what i mean!;P

  40. Brittani

    May 1st, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Hooray for the girl in the green scarf (I will have a green scarf. Someday.)
    And oo yess, the infamous "trip." How’s the sidewalk down there?
    It’s ok, J, we all know how you feel.

    I blame it on the genetics! My mother was horrible 😉

  41. Sabrina

    May 1st, 2010 at 8:46 pm

    i L-O-V-E- notes. on my car, on my desk, in my purse and especially in the mailbox. it’s just a small reminder that people care. that they really do like me! lol i have many of them in a "smile book" that i pull out from time to time. not uber cool but it works.

  42. Colorado Wedding Photographer, JasonG

    May 1st, 2010 at 9:54 pm

    We love getting mail! We’re receiving invitation response cards for our wedding this June!!!

  43. gladys jem

    May 2nd, 2010 at 5:13 am

    mmm chutney 🙂 also, you crack me up.

  44. kristy lynn

    May 3rd, 2010 at 3:05 am

    Mail is awesome. Bills are not, they go hand in hand with that stupid budget part, that I too hate. 🙂

  45. Leah Remillet

    May 3rd, 2010 at 5:30 am

    Never have I been none for my grace and poise! Instead I’ve made my pancake splat to the pavement more times then I’d like to recall or admit and honestly… Why the freak does there always have to be a "red tie guy" around? Seriously?!?
    I absolutely love mail too! I got so excited when I had an envelope with a handwritten address on it last week, I couldn’t wait to see what it was. Turned out to be a sample from my lab… no card, no paper, no words… just a sample inside – I’ll admit I was very disappointed!
    It’s becoming a lost art and that makes me sad! Maybe we should become pen pals and send little notes on beautiful papers that speak of only proper things (like back in the day) with real signatures?!

  46. Dee

    May 3rd, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    I save all my notes from my friends too!

    and boo to the guy with the red tie.

  47. Lizelle Lotter

    May 3rd, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    You should try mrs Balls chutney! Its a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!! Or just come to South Africa, I will give you lots and lots.
    Find it here in USA:

  48. mella

    May 3rd, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    mail schmail, jahbbie. i asked you last week to send me your addy so i could thank you and chu for the lovely tapas dinner on bris bday. no luck. next time i venture down guinivere, i’ll just have to pay attention to the numbers on the curb!

  49. The Memory Journalists

    May 3rd, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    I love your work, love your blog, love kisses and disses and apricot chutney! Thanks for the laughs, Jasmine!

  50. Tricia

    May 4th, 2010 at 6:18 am

    I absolutely LOVE the mail! The post office should be sending me handwritten thank you notes for doing my part to keep them in business! I also would be up for a pen pal club!

  51. Merissa

    May 4th, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Kisses to snail mail! I have that same mail box sickness too..hehe! Nothing better than receiving a letter, especially a handwritten one, in the mail! I always look forward to Mr. Postman! I’ll write you anyday! Send me your mailing address, I have lots of pretty stationery and cards…another sickness 😉
    xo, Merissa.

  52. Kelly | Purple Lemon Designs

    May 4th, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    Love it! When you find a way to display your letters and cards, please let me know. I keep them too 🙂

  53. e'lisa

    May 4th, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    looooove trader joe’s midsummer night’s cream! i have been using it forever. right after a shower. it’s the bomb diggity!!!

  54. Kristin Nicole Photography

    May 21st, 2010 at 12:32 am

    gotta love good old snail mail.

  55. jan

    August 3rd, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    line them up & laminate your note cards with the heaviest lamination & use them as place mats…they’ll make you smile & give dinner guests something to read while you perfect your meatloaf!