Kisses and Disses : Wipes + The World Cup

Personal

He’s what I call a Marketer’s Dream. He’s the kind of person NYC marketers sit in their corner boardrooms and dream about. He’s the kind of guy that likes to be sold to. And he also happens to be my husband. JD loves anything and everything that’s packaged, jingled, and cha-chinged. And it’s the most annoying thing. Ever. I mean, when waitresses see him, they know his kind. They offer the pureed strawberry lemonade, the signature appetizers, and chived sour cream for only $2.00 more. And he always says yes. Oh, because it’s SIGNATURE.

I’ve grown accustomed to this behavior. Kinda. Yesterday I walked in from the gym and Polo did his happy wiggle. I got on the floor and kissed him, like always. I called him Stinker…then JD asked me if Polo was really stinky. Because he has something for that. For stinkyness, I ask. JD then offers the following:

Wipes. WIPES?!? Now, that’s just too much. Some bald, bellied man in NYC is laughing in his boardroom when he realizes JD actually BOUGHT THE WIPES. Because, really? Who buys wipes for their dog?! Oh, my little Marketer’s Dream.

This leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses

This week’s DISSES go to:
*Bald, bellied marketers in NYC who sell dog wipes.
*Husbands who buy said wipes.
*Receiving newsletters I never subscribed to. It drives me irrationally crazy.

This week’s KISSES go to:
*The World Cup. Because, really, how can those players look so rawr after 90 minutes of running, sweating, and pretend-fouling?
*This American Life podcast. I’m obsessed with Ira Glass. I listen to him while I work and we’re a pretend couple. In my mind. Which is so normal.
*Martha Stewart wall paint. My bathroom is now Persimmon thanks to Martha’s line at Home Depot. Oh, what? You think persimmon sounds fancy? IT SO IS.

Happy Tuesday!

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  1. Julia Avina

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    Mrs. Star you crack me up. There is something that I see everyone who knows you feels CONNECTED to you. Your energy and truth telling are real and I am glad I can read your stories work and personal on your Blogity Blog.

  2. Cherisse

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    You and JD crack me up! You two are perfect for eachother!! Kisses & Disses are the best.

  3. Jonathan

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    Haha!! Jasmine, I’ve just recently started following your blog, and even though I’m not a photographer myself, I still think you are hilarious and awesome!! Thanks sharing all your great stories and especially great photos!!

  4. Christine Meintjes Photography

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    I just wanted to say…I LOVE the way you write! Can I come for lessons 🙂

  5. Nancy

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    We’re dog sitting at the moment and my super clean floors can’t handle it after taking the dog out. So I was thinking of buying dog wipes, sigh.

    Yay for the world cup!

    Hope you feel better soon, all is better when Jasmine is well.

  6. Casi

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    Persimmon is fancy…you can have your signature too…just like JD has his fancy dog wipes that were created by the bald, bellied man you speak of.

  7. angel pope

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    🙂 Luvs!

  8. blair

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    I’m afraid that Ira and I are already in love. I dream that we’re a couple and he tells me bedtime stories in his" This American Life" way as I fall asleep at night 🙂

  9. lroah

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    Oh I think I just fell off my chair laughing about JD buying the wipes. Hilarious. SUCKER!!!!

  10. Kristina

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:50 pm

    Oooohhh Martha Stewart has her own paint??? Well OF COURSE she does…. LOVE the "sharkey gray". Paint color names are always the deciding factor for me. 🙂 And those wipes are awesome, use them on my dog all the time.

  11. Jesse Holland

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    I am so with you on Ira Glass! I pretend to edit photos while listening to him; I usually just end up sitting in front of my computer listening. Radio lab is pretty good too, but you may already know that.

  12. Veronica

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    I am with you on disliking scammy marketers. Though the wipes are a good idea for a dog without any undercoat (like Italian Greyhounds, Mastiffs) who only need a chamois cloth wipedown for their grooming… I just don’t know why people don’t use something non-disposable and save the waste.

  13. Jessica

    June 29th, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Hey! I bought wipes for my dog.. Now, they weren’t dog wipes. They were baby wipes. He’s a Maltese and supposed to be white… The wipes attempt to keep him that color if he happens to get dirty outside. Don’t worry, JD. I have your back. 😉

  14. Renee

    June 29th, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    had to LOL when i read about the wipes. we have a lhasa apso and a shih tzu and my husband bought the exact. same. wipes. i’m not sure if it’s good or bad to know there are two of them out there.

  15. Romonia

    June 29th, 2010 at 6:04 pm

    I love it! Can’t believe JD bought dog wipes for Polo! 😉

  16. Mikkel

    June 29th, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Love This American Life! I’ll have to subscribe to the podcast!

  17. Alli Mc

    June 29th, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    Yipee for the World Cup…and pretend-fouling…hysterical!

  18. Tracy

    June 29th, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    So true Jasmine! Wipes are awful – who buys those things anyway – its a fake doggy wash! And I heart Ira Glass and your blogs….my bf and I aspire to be wedding photogs like you one day!

  19. bree

    June 29th, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Reggie has the wipes too!! Give them a chance- its so much easier than a bath! I’m with JD on this one 🙂

  20. Cindy A.

    June 29th, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Hahaha I have 2 little stinkers at home and both will remain wipe-free! *Le sigh* I heart futbol players…

  21. Lydia

    June 29th, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    I’ve got Martha Stewart’s butter cream yellow downstairs from way back when, and it’s just dreamy!

  22. Kelly Trimble

    June 29th, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    Pretend fouling….hahahah.
    You should have Dissed those annoying noise makers though! Really so tired of it sounding like a swarm of bees in my house!

  23. Jennie Renaudo

    June 29th, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Ha! My husband got those for our dogs AND his mom’s cat.

  24. LEOLAK

    June 29th, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    HILARIIOUS on the wipes…and JD buying them! Maybe they figured it’s less work than washing them all the time?!?! No…ok. I hear you on getting things you didn’t subscribe too…annoying! Have a good day.

  25. Amy Hummel

    June 29th, 2010 at 7:19 pm

    My husband is the opposite. My "kiss" goes to Pottery Barn paint.

  26. Lindsay

    June 29th, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    My boyfriend is THE SAME!! Will buy anything. Can be sold on anything. Drives me bonkers. Me: They’re going to try to sell you that, don’t buy it, you don’t need it.
    Him: Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous, I am not going to buy that.
    Me (later): How did it go?
    Him: I bought it.
    *sigh!*

  27. Mireille

    June 29th, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    Yeah for the World Cup. Netherlands got through to the quarter final. I am watching Spain vs Portugal right now. Indeed Rawr and that is just after 10 minutes of play!!

  28. Adam J

    June 29th, 2010 at 7:42 pm

    Sounds like me. Although not sure even I would fall for stinky dog wipes! Awesome post.

  29. Carol

    June 29th, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    1. Loving your "rawr" comment about soccer players — SOOO True! 2. I too, am obsessed w/This American Life and Ira Glass! … 3. You are just awesome!

  30. Mavi

    June 29th, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Thanks for the laugh! And I agree, who doesn’t enjoy watching Villa, Higuain and Ronaldo all sweaty on the field =)

  31. Life with Kaishon

    June 29th, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    My husband is exactly the same way. A marketers dream. I can’t tell you how many ridiculous things we have because of him : ) Oh well. I am sure if I email him this post, he would come home tonight with some cat wipes. Kid you not.

  32. Kelli Taylor

    June 29th, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    You crack me up!

  33. Ty

    June 29th, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    How amazing is This American Life. Check out the dvd’s from showtime.

  34. Catie Ronquillo

    June 29th, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    I LOVE This American Life. I listened to a couple of shows yesterday on my plane ride back to Dallas from San Francisco. I also feel smarter after listening. Last year my cousin and I ran into Ira Glass in the street near NYU. I didn’t really know who he was back then, but now I’m very familiar! We will be frequenting Home Depot this weekend, we’re painting too!

  35. amanda thiessen

    June 29th, 2010 at 9:35 pm

    the world cup has definitely been eye catching hahah but total diss to the refs who were making ridiculous calls!! boo!!

  36. Melissa Papaj Photography

    June 29th, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    You are too funny. I cannot beleive they have dog wipes, but I know lots of people who woud buy them in a heart beat – my mother-in-law for one 🙂

  37. Karen Taggart

    June 29th, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    My husband bought the dog wipes too! He says our wiener dog is "sweaty". Hahaha 🙂

  38. Girl in The White Dress

    June 29th, 2010 at 10:24 pm

    Wondering what the "8 in 1" could be!!? 1) cleans, 2) deodorizes, 3) feeds the dog, 4) toilet trains him, 5) makes your bed in the morning, 6) is your second shooter at weddings, 7) cooks dinner, 8) answers the phone?….

  39. shani barel-desser

    June 29th, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    I am so guilty of ALL of the above, my apologies….

  40. Kelsey Anderson

    June 29th, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    The question is do the wipes work? If so then you have to cut JD a bit of slack lol

  41. gladys jem

    June 29th, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    hahahaha, jd is awesome! gotta love it!

  42. Connie Sithi

    June 29th, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Pretend fouling! LOL!!! Yea, they have serious RAWR factor goin’ on. Love you, J*! I think I’ve turned all my coworkers into J* fans, too. woot woot

  43. kristin @ the treasured petal

    June 30th, 2010 at 12:28 am

    ummm we have dog wipes, too! joe bought them and diligently wipes pesto and basil after walks or dog park jaunts. joe is definitely in charge of keeping our mutts clean and odor free. my guess is that someday he’ll be the one changing the diapers and doing the baby butt wiping, too!

  44. Sarah

    June 30th, 2010 at 1:36 am

    I’m with JD on this one. Dog wipes?! Sweet! We have been using baby wipes to clean our dog in-between baths.

  45. laetitia

    June 30th, 2010 at 4:08 am

    heu… the world cup, seriously…!!! as a french (yeh I said it again), I would say this is a bad bad world cup… what a shame for France. We are known to do strike all the tim, and this is true, but soccer players who are paid millions to play and rpresent the nation are going on strike 2 days before playing the world cup !!!!!???? what a shame for french people, especially when we won the 98 world cup we should act better (and play better too) … so for me this world cup is a diss… big time !

  46. erika

    June 30th, 2010 at 4:09 am

    But the wipes WORK! Well, they’re awesome for cats who hate baths. A dog might need more than a wipe…

  47. Rita

    June 30th, 2010 at 4:41 am

    EXCUSE me Jasmine, but your husband is very smart to buy the wipes!

  48. s h e r r y

    June 30th, 2010 at 5:10 am

    Hahaha JD is awesome! I am totally one of those people too. I often feel compelled to go out and go GET stuff after seeing it on a commercial. (baaaad).

  49. laetitia

    June 30th, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    I come back because I was so angry with this world cup that I forgot to speak about those wipes… I do not use wipes on my babies to be green, so on dogs … I think this is first of all hilarious that somebody thought of doing those, but sad that some people would buy them !

  50. Sarah Danaher

    June 30th, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    I totally agree about the World Cup.

  51. Candace Prokopets

    June 30th, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Oh, that is too funny! Vitaliy is the same way. He brought home a mop once and spent 30 minutes basically replaying the entire sales pinch to me of why he bought it. Too funny!

  52. Lora Ayers

    June 30th, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Those wipes , are hilarious! I can’t even imagine that you’d really want to cover your dog in the "fresh scent". I feel a headache coming on. 🙂

  53. kortnee kate and ted

    June 30th, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    My sister bought wipes for her cats. She was DESPERATE to curb the cat stink in her home… which made her an easy target for the bald guy in NYC!!! 🙂

  54. Steff

    June 30th, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Oh JD, if you must must must, buy baby wipes. They are good for all sorts of things. Where as there isn’t as much appeal with wiping your hands off with dog wipes, is there? Baby wipes make more sense too, then Polo would get to smell like a baby. Who doesn’t love that? Live and learn, JD.

  55. Carol

    June 30th, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Actually the wipes are really useful for pets that just got spayed/neutered/surgery because they can’t have baths, but they might be stinky!

  56. flo

    June 30th, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    haha i totally agree with the world cup kiss… lol *sigh*
    martha stewart paint is sooo pretty!

  57. Crystal

    June 30th, 2010 at 10:10 pm

    I’m not gonna lie… I’m pretty sure there is a pack of those around our house. No joke… Sigh. lol. (It rained for two weeks straight this spring and they were used to wipe off muddy paws…)

  58. Erika

    June 30th, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    Too funny. I have to admit to you that we buy the wipes for our dogs too. We wipe them when they come in from outside because I refuse to have them track in dirt and get it on our furniture or bed. I know it is kinda OCD right? haha.

  59. Katelyn James

    July 1st, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    ohhh wall paint!!! We have alot of that coming our way:) Maybe we’ll check out martha for our new little cape cod!!:)

  60. Truc

    July 2nd, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    Hahaha, the wipes are hilarious!

  61. Tracy

    September 3rd, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    Ha! I had no idea that dog wipes existed…

  62. Dalton

    October 4th, 2015 at 7:23 pm

    lol. Apparently there is a market for everything these days.