The Value of Soap Operas

Personal

Yesterday I sat at my desk and spoke into the phone while JD sat on the floor typing away at his computer. That’s when it happened. The quiver in my voice, the sting in my eyes. My nose turns red right before I’m going to cry, it’s a dead giveaway. There I sat like Rudolph the Reindeer and tried to keep my ish together. I thanked the guy on the other end of the phone for his time and hung up.

I leaned my head back on my chair and fought the tears. I was fine until JD reached up from the floor and touched my hand. Much like touching a full sponge, I leaked. As the tears fell, he promised everything was going to be okay. Not like all dramatic and soap opera-ish (cue the soft lights, the stringed music and please throw in a line that starts with By God I shall never leave you…). It was more like we’ve been here before.

It’s just that I feel lost and I don’t know how to connect the dots, I said.

JD and I are working on a new project and for the first time in a long time, I feel like my world is rocked. Strangely enough, this is how I started my photography business. And I’m feeling quite the same way. Lost, frustrated, worried, overwhelmed. I’m posting this blog entry because I want to remember. Remember the emotion that comes with risk and being on the cusp of success. Or failure. Oh that blurry line I so strongly detest.

I know there might be a few others who know how I’m feeling right now. Oh, Internet, I get you. I tangibly know the feelings of frustration and worry … but I also know the emotion that accompanies risk: joy, excitement, and fear. I hope this post makes you feel less alone. Or, really, makes me feel less alone. Because if I was totally being honest, all I really want is for a random blog reader to find me in the street today and say By God I shall never leave you…

I kid, Internet, I kid.